..........Just Chillin' Here In this Cocoon

Usually my writing goes in floods and droughts.

The past few years I was pretty prolific on the blog, but lately my focus has been on the 2 books I'm working on (Relationship Transition & Blueprint).

I'm still writing every day, but the focus is there and not here.

Anyway, I "went away" for a while back around 2005-2006, and came back with the ideas you read on this blog the past few years. In the same way, I've kind of gone away, and I'm forumulating the ideas that are going to comprise RSD for the next couple of years.

I'm thinking to start posting back on here again, and maybe the short 2 page format articles on RSDN. I'll give it a shot and see if it's usurping my time away from the books again. Most important is that I don't have that creative flurry right now, because I'm back in the cocoon of new paradigms, as opposed to "emerging" from the previous paradigm like I was the past few years -- so we'll see.

btw, what are we up to at Real Social Dynamics?

Jeffy has just finished his book. HOLY SHIT!

My two books are going great. New RSDN launched. Papa is doing a tour of 245 cities in a year (that's 245 cities in 360 days, folks -- dude is insane).

Recording tons of infield footage, almost every night for months now. Hundreds of hours worth, maybe thousands. All with HD cams and hi teck wireless mics. It's for the World Summit we're doing this September in Las Vegas.

The bootcamps I've been teaching in LA have been going awesome. I look forward to it every weekend. Enjoying them like crazy -- coming back to teaching full time was one of the best decisions I ever made.

I'll hit this up a bit more next week.


Tyler

No It's Not A New Blog....But Some Cool Things Are About To Happen

You may have noticed the blog has been bustling with activity as of late. :)

Believe it or not, this is a sign of many cool things to come. It's been a few months since Real Social Dynamics has done anything note worthy, but that's changing on January 21st with the launch of RSDN 2.0.

We have some concerns that the server might be a bit sluggish on the day that it comes out, as we anticipate an unusually high number of people checking it out. If there are slowdowns on the first day then please be patient, as the site will begin to run very quickly on days 2, 3, and onwards. The server we use is high powered and expensive, however the number of people browing on that first day will be abnormally high.

It's been a dream of mine to launch this site since around 2005-2006. It seems sort of surreal to see it finally happening, and it's another milestone in this whole RSD project that I've involved myself in these past few years. I've worked with designers on and off since last January, and more intensely since the summer, to see this come to fruition. I guess I'll believe it when I see it finally go up.

To celebrate the launch of the site we are also releasing the RSD Mastermind Special. It features two seminars that I did after Blueprint, which I feel are two of the best I've ever recorded. It also features Jeffy, Tim, Alex, Ryan, Saad, Christophe, and others. Saad's "Day Game" disc is some of the sharpest daygame tutorial I've seen, and could easily be sold as a "stand alone" program. Ryan's "verbal game" program has been making waves of late as well, which you can read about on RSDN. Jeffy's disc is the material that he's worked on since the release of The Jeffy Show. All the discs are IMO absolutely solid and worth checking out.

If you haven't looked into this program yet, check it now:

www.rsdmastermindspecial.com

Lastly, I've been slaving over "The Relationship Transition: A Pocketbook For Guys Living The Dating Abundant Lifestyle Looking To Make The Leap To Relationship Land" (tentative title) these past few months. I'm pretty much in love with this book. I feel like it's the future of Real Social Dynamics.

This is a book that shows where the community leads you. Instead of the melodrama we've all read over the years about how to get a girlfriend you have to discard everything you've learned in studying success with women, this book talks about how the knowledge you've gained can benefit you and improve your life. Being in a four and a half year relationship myself, I can't really imagine how that could have been possible without what I've learned here (or at least that I could have enjoyed it as much), and this book is going to talk about the insights I gained from that.

The community has evolved. When I was doing the Blueprint live seminars I always had at least half the room walking up on the breaks and saying "I'm not that excited by picking up girls anymore, because I have that decently handled, but I'm into the self development angle so I came to the program." There are many people who have done the community thing, gotten on with their lives, and they are hungry for a project that addresses what goes on AFTER the initial learning curve.

My team was pretty nervous on my treatment of this book because obviously I'm not some old dude in a 20 year relationship who can talk about raising kids or whatever. But book is on the TRANSITION aspect -- what you deal with when you go from being single and actively dating to a relationship. It's basically all the blunt and raw stuff that happens in those first few months and years.

To research the project I called about 20 of my friends who I consider to be both good with women as well as relationships, and interviewed them about their experiences. The experience of writing the book has also improved my own relationship very noticeably, as it's forced me to really examine what works in a relationship and what doesn't.

Funny enough, I feel like even guys who have no interest in relationships will find it valuable in terms of "picking up girls" -- because it grounds you in what you want from women and what you're screening for. My intuition is that it will also eventually go somewhat viral in the mainstream (in a few years if I accept one of our publishing offers), because it's really the first book I've ever seen FOR GUYS on the topic or relationships that doesn't suck, aside from David Deida.

I think it's funny because the mainstream will look at it and initally think "Awwwwww, see a pick up artist dude is now saying that relationships are the right thing to do -- it's proof of my belief system." Then they'll start reading it, and it will pretty much shock the heck out of them, but then still come to the same conclusion that a relationship is great thing to do. I wonder how they'll reconcile that?? :)

Anyway as of right now, I'm debating whether or not to continue using this blog for my future articles, or to use the new RSDN. All instructors will be using the new RSDN however there is a strong following on this site here, so I'll decide that next week.

Stay tuned!!


Tyler

LOL @ Alex's Editing SkillzZZs

Working on a few articles this week. New RSDN coming this month or next. Two books on the go. Relaunch of RSDU as well.

Wanted to link this vid Alex created. He manages to portray himself as being somewhat trendy & hip looking in this video, which I haven't been able to reconcile in my head, but somehow he has done it. Amazing. :)

You can hit up his blog at:

http://www.alexattitude.com

Timmy has had some pretty nice action over at his blog lately. The "Flawless Living Plan" -- I REALLY recommend you check it out NOW. Dude is busy juggling two careers (music + FN'ing it) so catch him while he's around:

http://www.naturaltim.com

Have fun!!


Tyler

Real Social Dynamics Update -- "The Way Of The Future... The Way Of The Future..."

Just dug up this random video of Tim -- which he recorded just before walking up on stage at the "Transformations" Superconference. This was a really fun time in the company that brought back some nostalgia (the last few years have been really great actually) and I thought to share the nonsense with you.

Alright so I wanted to throw up a quick update.

Topics on the agenda -- stuff I'm up to lately:

-New RSD Nation
-Blueprint Book
-The Relationship Transition book
-RSD Underground revamp

So I've been at my desk writing -- in what I call "Howard Hughes Mode" where I essentially go crazy from being in the house too long and mumble about "the way of the future" a lot.

It's fantastic. :)

Blueprint book has been a trip, because the writing was done mostly between ages 24 and 26 (I'm 29 now) and so it's hard to edit without updating the style.

Nonetheless it's been amazing to be back on it. I'm really proud of the work I've done on this book, and I can't wait to share it with everyone.

In the meantime, I've gotten into zones where I've been on it so long I can't look at it anymore -- and rather than just taking time off I've been messing around with a short book on the topic of relationships.

It's crazy because it's quickly turned into about a 120 page exposition, which I'm going to call "The Relationship Transition". I really have no experience or desire to talk about a 10 year marriage, or how to raise kids -- this is a book that's specifically on the topic of the TRANSITION that you experience from actively dating to being in a committed relationship.

I've been calling about twenty of my closest friends (who I consider "good with women" and still choose to be in relationships) and cross-referencing my ideas with them, to get a wider viewpoint. It's really been an amazing journey and helped me in my own relationship as well.

What I like is that it's a new set of ideas to keep things fresh. It means we don't have to talk about offering value and unreactiveness for another year. :)

Which book will come out first? I'm not sure, I'm just working on both of them as I feel like it, and which ever one is completed first will come out.

Next up, the new RSD Nation -- OH MAN!!

I'm so psyched about this new rendition of the site. It's got full social networking capabilities with what are in my personal opinion the best aspects of MySpace and Facebook combined (I actually used a poll that I did on RSDN to figure out what people wanted -- coincidentally I also did a poll today on relationships and the idea of RSD doing more press appearances, which also yielded a lot of great feedback).

The site will have new instructor articles posted on the landing page from Monday to Friday. Our designer created two versions, a white and a black, and I couldn't decide which one I liked better -- so we made it possible to click on a color button at the top and choose your own color.

Another cool innovation is that the top of the forum will have a video with me explaining te mission and guidelines of the community, which I think will further our goal of making it as positive and constructive of a place to participate as possible.

From there, we're also relaunching RSD Underground -- the massive flop that came out about a year ago.

The history behind this site is that we had a new set of website designers, and we said "Let's create a video site" without really thinking it out. The site sort of gathered dust for a year, and we've since decided to load it up with 16 "personality conveying" videos of each instructor. I chose the number 16 because the site has columns of 4 slots, so it will be 4 rows of 4.

My goal is to acquaint people with team team as much as possible (similar to how "Transformations" did) -- and also to give people as much information as possible when deciding whether or not to take a live program. There is so much confusion and random proganda spread about bootcamps in general (regardless of what company) and so this should make it pretty obvious what the people are like, and what the program is like. It will also generally just be entertaining.

Anyway I've also been thinking about what I want to write for the next blog article. It's funny because when I'm really happy with an article, I only tend to feel inspired to write a new one when I feel it takes it to a sort of "next level" in some way or another. I've been really happy with these last two articles and I haven't really been creative enough to think of anything new as of yet. That's why it's cool to just add a little life update like this one -- to get the juices up in the brain flowing again.

Alright so I'll be back in the next week or two. Thanks for continuing to check this blog!! :)


Tyler

PS: Check out Alex and Ryan's latest blogs -- VERY COOL.

www.alexattitude.com

www.ryanforreal.com

Positivity And State Conditioning -- Why Seeing The Good In Yourself, Your Experiences, And Other People Makes You A More Potent Dude

Heeeeeeeey, what's UP??

I want to start by saying thanks to everyone who read and enjoyed the last article.

That's really where my life is at right now -- the zone I'm in -- so it was awesome to see people relating to it.

So I'm still snowed in with the December deadlines for Blueprint book and new RSD Nation. This is definitely the hardest period of work I've experienced in my life, but in many ways, also one of the most rewarding.

Today I want to talk about another topic that's become significant for me over the past few years, which is the philosophy of "Positivity".

As a dude who was pretty friggin' aggressive and angry most of my life, this has been a new way of thinking that's helped me on a lot of profound levels -- with meeting women, relationships, my professional life, and generally just with the vibe I'm in on a day to day basis.

So hopefully there's at least something in here you can learn from. Let's do it.

THE PHILOSOPHY OF POSITIVITY

Positivity is hands down, one of the most attractive qualities a man can have.

That means your attitude, the things you focus on and talk about, your view of yourself, your view of others, and the emotions that you’re addicted to feeling on a day to day basis.

To have this go “click” in your head you need to understand how it works and how it can benefit you, and then develop a sort of personal philosophy for dealing with the world that keeps you in a positive emotional state.

This is important not only for attracting girls, but also because it’s a sort of hidden code that “cool” people intuitively understand and “uncool” people are usually clueless about.

HOW POSITIVITY MAKES WOMEN MORE ATTRACTED

Positivity makes women attracted to you. Why??

First off, human beings are unique in that we are consciously aware that life is uncertain and we’re going to die some day, and yet at the same time we have the ability to focus on the positive and maintain a healthy and optimistic worldview.

Generally speaking, a positive worldview is an indication to women that you’re resourceful enough to engage with the world full-on.

When a guy is too mentally flimsy to keep himself in a good mood, women are left unsure about whether he’s fit to cope with the day to day challenges of his life. But when you are engaged with the world in a state of positivity, your mind is attuned to all of the hidden opportunity that is constantly surrounding you, and you are infinitely more resourceful.

Next is that being a happy person is an indicator of good emotional and mental-health. It communicates to the girl that your emotions are wired properly, and that your time and energy aren’t being depleted by personal drama. Being positive also gives you an air of being vibrant and physically healthy, as opposed to being delicate and meek.

Lastly, and possibly the most important, is that the way you feel internally is always being projected outwardly and transferred to the people around you.

When you feel positive you infect people with positive energy, and when you feel negative you infect people with negative energy. Being an attractive adult man means managing your emotions so that people feel uplifted when you’re around.

Emotions are contagious.

Especially with women, whose minds are wired with the ability to mirror and empathize with whatever it is that you feel (which is why when you feel overwhelmingly happy girls will say “You’re so awesome!”)

This effect is also amplified when you’re the person who is more socially forceful, which is usually expected if you’re going to attract women. So the transfer of how you feel to the woman you’re talking to becomes even more intense.

THE FOUNDATION OF EMOTION BENEATH THE WORDS

A secret that most guys who do well with women grasp instinctively, and that almost everyone else fails to realize, is that women respond more to the emotional state you’re in than your actual words.

Even if you’re yelling at a girl and giving her a hard time, if you have a strong foundation of positive energy beneath the words she’ll usually like it because you seem fun.

She may even giggle and shriek because you’re overloading her with positive emotions – and you’re being funny by mixing up the verbal and non verbal channels (like saying “You’re crazy” while beaming with positive energy, or “I’m shy” while beaming with self esteem).

This is similar to the modern day prescription drug television commercials, where the narrator describes the various nasty potential side effects with a soothing voice and relaxing music, and people just focus on the positive tone.

On the other hand, you can be in an emotionally depressed state and try to cover it up with jokes and happy words, and the girl will laugh for a second but still sense that something about you is out of alignment.

BE AUTHENTIC FROM WHATEVER STATE YOU’RE IN

Now this knowledge might cause you to become paranoid if you’re in a bad mood. You might even feel yourself descending into an excuse based mindset of “I can’t talk to girls today because I’m not feeling at my best.”

This is mentally scattered, and a totally useless way of looking at it.

A man always has to be able to communicate authentically from whatever emotional state he happens to be experiencing.

You will feel negative at certain points of your life, but you also have to know that it can never stop you from being who you are. Otherwise you become afraid of bad emotions and wind up blowing them out of proportion (and you inadvertently create a self-fuelling loop of “feeling bad about feeling bad”).

An analogy would be how studies have shown that being positive and eliminating stress can improve your immune system. But if this knowledge makes you think “I’m being negative, this is destroying my health” then it becomes yet another way to make yourself even more stressed.

The same goes for meeting women. You can understand that being positive makes you more attractive, but if you play a game with yourself where you say “I’m not feeling good, so I know this is going to go bad” then you’re creating a self fulfilling prophecy that wasn’t necessarily the case.

It’s all about working with what you’ve got. If you’re feeling great, then know that this will help you and approach with confidence. If you’re feeling down, then approach regardless and assume she’ll be attracted based on some other quality in your character.

The point is that being positive is in your best interests, you will never be perfect with it, but you generally just do the best you can.

You use this knowledge when it serves you, and discard it when it’s not.

WHAT POSITIVITY IS AND IS NOT

Positivity is a decision to seek out and focus the value in all people and situations, while filtering out anything that’s of no use.

Being positive doesn’t mean that you can never be “negative.” There is a time and a place for everything.

But it does mean that you have to draw clear lines in your mind about when you’re willing to engage in negative energy, and not allow yourself to be sucked into it at any time outside of that.

Positivity is not about burying your head in the sand and being naïve.

Positivity is not about being the weird over-positive guy who has a blank stare into space.

Positivity is not about overdramatizing everything as if it’s “Sooooooo great!!” in a way that seems inauthentic and fake.

And positivity is definitely not about ignoring the essential truths of life, or running away from the entire nature of a situation and interpreting it objectively.

What positivity is about is recognizing the subjective nature of the human experience – how what you focus on becomes an unconscious habit and creates your sense of reality – and then becoming the type of guy who radiates an attractive positive energy out towards the world.

So let’s have a look at the benefits…

YOU STEP INTO THE SHOES OF GUYS WHO ATTRACT WOMEN

When you take on a positive mindset, you’re walking in the shoes of the guys who naturally attract girls.

The reason for this is obvious: if you’re enjoying a lifestyle where you have everything you want – women, sex, fun, friends, purpose, challenge, hobbies – what do you have to be upset about? Not much.

Being positive is basically a way of communicating that you’re smart and resourceful enough to get your life together. It gives the impression that you must be internally fulfilled.

Ironically it’s often the people who live very unsuccessful lives, and don’t respect themselves enough to care, who come across as being the most happy (the lack of personal standards allows them to be naturally “care free”). But regardless of how they achieve it, their attitude still gives the initial perspective to an outsider that “life is good with this guy”.

Now on the other hand, you can probably find counter examples of guys who are positive but still haven’t had a lot of success with girls (maybe they aren’t being assertive enough). And you can probably find examples of emotional train-wrecks who still have women chasing them regardless. The world is a big place and you can usually find examples of just about anything.

But generally speaking, if you’re living a happy life and you continually renew your emotional chemistry through a healthy sex life, the difficulties of life don’t need to affect you the same way they affect “normal” guys.

(And when you think about it, by being negative you are in some ways pinpointing yourself as a guy who could be frustrated for a variety of reasons, including loneliness and a lack of physical intimacy.)

The bottom line is that when you take on the mindset of the guys who get the success you want, you are taking a step closer to getting similar results for yourself.

"Positivity is potency" for exactly this reason – it is a self fulfilling prophecy.

YOU ASSUME THAT PEOPLE SEE THE BEST IN YOU

Even if it’s not always realistic, your emotions tend to react on the assumption that whatever you’re thinking about other people is probably pretty similar to whatever they’re thinking about you.

If you think badly of people – of course you’re going to feel defensive – it’s your reality that people are having all sorts of negative thoughts.

But when you get good at finding the best in people, suddenly your reality is that they probably see the best in you as well, and you speak with the full assumption that people will be totally cool.

This is different from being a groupie or a fan boy – where you think so highly of someone you place them on a pedestal above yourself. That isn’t really thinking positively, because it’s just some personal drama you’re dealing with that people don’t even appreciate.

The point is just that when you see the best in people, you free yourself up from the mental noise about whether or not they’re judging you, and it makes you more at ease to put your real personality on the line.

This changes you in a very profound way because you are sort of “side stepping” the psychological need to feel high status when you’re “putting yourself out there”. You’re just at ease with yourself, at ease with other people, and at ease with the fact that people have their pros and cons.

On the other hand, sometimes people will try to “side step” the need to feel status by just looking down on everyone, so they can feel good about themselves by comparison. This can actually work in the short term, but it’s a cheaper way of feeling confident that forces you to rely on all sorts of nonsense rationalizations to continually justify it.

More powerful is just to judge no one (you can discern their behaviour – but not judge their inherent worth), and to be social with an almost child-like freedom of expression.

PEOPLE LIVE UP TO THE IDENTITY YOU SET FOR THEM

When you expect the best in people, you give them a new identity to live up to.

A girlfriend who wants to cheat on you will be far less likely if you give her a total trust (assuming you have personal boundaries and you’re not tolerating blatant disrespect).

Being jealous you give her the excuse to say “Well he already thinks I’m going to cheat so I might as well just do it and have fun.” But giving her an identity as a girl who you regard as having integrity, she suddenly has a lot more to lose.

It’s the same thing with your opinions of people in general.

If someone is frustrating you, give them a better identity to live up to. Oftentimes their behaviour will totally change.

Other times it will accomplish nothing, and from there you can call them out on it or blow them off. But the general practice of “helping people to find their way back to the positive person they really are” is often the better approach.

PEOPLE WHO ACT FAKE TAKE OFF THEIR MASKS

It’s a funny aspect of human nature that we often relate to each other through a filter of social positioning, seeking approval, and general weirdness.

Sometimes you might feel inclined to complain about it, like “People are so superficial” or “Everyone is so self-absorbed!”

But when people act fake it’s usually because they’re afraid of putting their real selves out there. And when you obviously have a positive outlook towards everyone, people can sense they have no reason to put their mask on in front of you, because you’ll like them either way.

This can be a self-fulfilling prophecy in your everyday life.

Suddenly the exact same people who cause headaches for everyone else will put their best personalities forward for you, and your reality becomes a much better place to live.

GIRLS FEEL MORE QUALIFIED TO BE WITH YOU

When you have your life together, it can be hard to find a girl who measures up.

Most physically attractive girls don’t have the same motivation to work on themselves that you do – because the opposite sex is going to fawn over them either way.

For a lot of guys this creates a barrier. Girls will feel comfortable talking to them because it’s just a spontaneous conversation in a social environment. But when the same guy takes the time to call and invite her out it seems like he has an agenda, because he obviously doesn’t value anything in her other than sex.

Being the kind of guy who sees the value in people does a lot to side step this common issue. Ultimately it comes from realizing that the strong points in a girl are usually going to be found in areas totally different from yours. That’s the beauty of masculine and feminine energy.

When you’re inclined to see the best in people, girls feel like it’s more congruent and normal that you’re interested in them, which makes them more interested in returning your calls.

It also makes you an addictive source of validation, because they become their “best selves” when you’re around.

YOU LEARN FROM EVERYONE AND BECOME MORE RELATABLE

As you become “socially stronger” one of the biggest issues becomes relating to people on a level that makes them feel good. Oftentimes people will initially “like you” because they respond to status as a knee jerk reaction. But if you don’t reciprocate a genuine interest, it leaves them with a feeling of lingering mistrust.

Now think about it from the reverse perspective...

When a social interaction is important to you, your mind tends to be hyper aware of every little detail. You’re bracing yourself for something crazy to happen, and being extra aware causes you to “make meaning” out of random nonsense the person said or did that really has little significance.

Likewise when you become an object of importance in people’s minds, they’ll tend to do the same to you. With the best of intentions, and without realizing they’re doing it.

People often have a paradoxical relationship with people of high status. They love them, hate them, want their validation, and want to punch them in the face at the same time. They’ll be as fast to talk badly behind their backs as they’ll be to say “Oh hiiiiii!” when they bump into them in real life.

One of the most important things you can do for yourself is to make the decision that “You can learn something from everyone.” This is what makes you a relatable and a genuine human being.

And more important than the petty (and impossible) pursuit of making everyone like you, is that there really is something that you can learn from everyone.

With some people it’s obvious, and with some people it’s a lot harder to find, but there is value to be found in every person on earth if you are curious and open-minded.

By taking an active interest in learning from people’s best qualities, you are adding heaps of new ideas and abilities to your own personal repertoire.

It’s easy to learn only from people who you identify with. But more powerful is also to learn from people different from you, even who have qualities you dislike.

YOU OPEN YOUR MIND TO LEARN FROM SUCCESS

Seeing the best in people also applies if you’re not the most popular guy, and you’re making excuses in your head about how the popular people are all big jerks.

When you refuse to identify with people who are doing better than you, and you refuse to relate to their point of view, your mind turns off from learning what they’re doing.

This is similar to when poor people look down on the rich, believe that rich people have no problems, believe that rich people are holding them down and manipulating them – instead of simply learning from what makes them successful.

Even nastier is “side stepping” the need to feel status by looking down on the popular people, when you lack the substance to back it up. This causes all sorts of intense rationalizations. Elaborate webs of personal myths that become more important to you than your experience of the world in real life.

Obviously these sorts of mindsets represent a tremendous waste of time and energy, and a lot of useless emotional drama.

The healthy and powerful approach to life is just to see the value in people, ignore what’s of no use, and reap the benefits that come with a positive outlook.

POSITIVITY DOESN’T MEAN YOU LACK STANDARDS

The most obvious objection to seeing the best in people is that it conveys a lack of standards about who you’ll allow into your life.

Being a cool guy means people have to earn your friendship. You won’t be friends with just anyone. That’s a part of what makes people value your time and attention.

The difference is that there is always a foundation of no judgement and positivity in your view of people, regardless of whether or not you decide to spend time with them. Some people you meet for only a few seconds, and others you know for your whole life.

On the surface it seems paradoxical, but you can have a love for all people and still discern which relationships you’re going to invest your time and energy into. You can also establish boundaries, call out bad behaviour, and expect people to be their best selves around you, while still seeing them in an extremely positive light.

It’s the difference between how you operate in the world, and the sense of positivity and love towards people that you have at your core.

(As utterly funny as that sounds...)

Obviously this opens up a lot of room for hypocrisy. But any time you’re working on your own code of conduct, you aspire towards acting more in alignment with your values and integrity over the course of your life.

Beyond that, the other obvious objection is that seeing the best in people could mean you lack standards about learning from people’s behaviour.

The distinction is that as a guy who has a strong sense of reality, and who has the ability to interpret the world through your own eyes, you naturally focus on the “good stuff” and screen out anything that’s “bad”.

Usually it’s people who are unclear in their sense of reality who feel the need to dwell on the negative. They do this with a positive intention, because they’re in a zone where they feel like if they didn’t, they’d inadvertently lose themselves.

The point is that once you’ve reached a level where you know who you are, you know your place in the world, and you have a decent sense of what’s realistic and what’s not, you can see the best in people and anything outside of that doesn’t hit your radar.

You can make “discernments” about people’s behaviour without having to make “judgements” about whether they are “good or bad” (except in extreme cases).

This doesn’t really require a lot of thought. It just happens.

THE WORLD IS OFTEN WHATEVER YOU THINK IT IS

As you can see, positivity is just a big self-fulfilling prophecy.

Most of the time the world is whatever you think it is.

By being positive, you bring more positive people into their life, and make people who would have frustrated you act ten times better when you’re around.

You think better of people... which gives you the confidence to act better... which gets people to act better around you.

You look for the good in the world... which makes you find the good in the world… which makes you a more resourceful person.

And so on and so forth.

Bottom line: be a positive guy.

THE SKEPTICAL VOICE OF WISDOM

Over the course of your life, your mind has a tendency to pull you towards the social roles that you determine will suit you best.

At some point you might have taken on the role of being the guy who is sceptical or critical, and gotten more attention from it than if you’d been a quiet nobody with nothing to say.

Stop and consider...

Out of all the things you criticize, would they still bother you if you had all the attention you wanted from women and people and friends?

This can be a hard question to answer. It’s hard to know what issues are truly important to you, and what you focus on more from a place of frustration and a lack of identity.

You have to realize that while the issues that bother you might be fully legitimate, a lot of them you wouldn’t be focusing on and talking about if you had everything you wanted out of life.

A man has to have a sort of “standard” of what issues are worth his attention. The types of issues you ““make an issue out of” are a reflection of how you value yourself and your time.

There are issues that are “profoundly relevant” and “befitting” for a successful guy to be speaking out against (issues that extend beyond the needs of his ego and his own petty circumstances). And then there are issues that more geared towards people who don’t see themselves as having any bigger shoes to fill.

When you’ll make noise about just anything, it reveals you as being the guy who has little to offer other than the role of the “sceptical voice of wisdom”. It’s not that your criticism isn’t valid. It’s just that the amount you focus on it shows you have nothing else going on.

The real players in this world are rarely critics. They’re the people who do what they do, and who create the energy that other people latch onto, including the critics.

Ultimately you have to be firm in the role that’s most in alignment with the life you want to live and enjoy.

POSITIVITY IS A CLEAN ENERGY THAT PEOPLE APPRECIATE AND TRUST IN THE LONGTERM

Sometimes it’s just easier to relate to people in a frenzy of trash talk and negativity

(We’re talking about bitterness and a false feeling of superiority here – not when it’s teasing or joking around in good fun.)

This is a very tempting thing to do, because people often seem to enjoy talking about other people and feeling better than them by comparison, or talking about their problems and getting all self righteous.

The problem is that trash talking has a tendency to be addictive, and it becomes your “default mode” for relating to people and creating a bond. After a while it gets embedded into your psychology. You can barely go a day without using it as a “conversational crutch”.

Think of negativity as like a dirty energy that gives people an erratic buzz for a short period of time, but then leaves them feeling drained and sick of it in the long term.

That’s why you can relate to a lot of guys by calling women “bitches” – and at first they’ll be laughing and feeding into it. But later they’ll realize it’s a “wounded mindset” and lose a lot of respect for you.

(The same goes for women who are wounded about men. Their girlfriends will feed into it at first, but later they’ll realize it’s just immature.)

Positive energy, on the other hand, is a sustainable and “clean buzz”.

You can feel a positive state for an indefinite period of time, and it only further energizes and enlivens you. Positivity is always cool.

It also builds an incredible amount of trust, because people see they can speak well of you and you won’t trash them when they’re not around.

NEGATIVE EMOTIONS CAN PLAY A HEALTHY ROLE

An important question to ask your self is “What is negativity, really?”

Is it negative to recognize nonsense as being nonsense?

Is it negative to discern people’s good and bad behaviour, and to make distinctions about what’s acceptable and what’s not?

That’s not the case at all.

Negative thoughts and emotions are meant to serve a purpose. They direct your attention towards your needs that aren’t being met.

That might be a personal boundary that you’re failing to maintain. Or a bad situation that you’re seeing on the horizon. Whatever.

When you interpret internal negativity as a “signal” that there’s a problem you need to address quickly, it is serving the purpose for which it’s designed.

And that’s a very positive thing.

Dealing with negativity is also good for you when it’s in reasonable doses. It keeps you grounded in the reality of the world, so that when difficult situations arise they don’t floor you.

(An analogy would be how if you spent your entire life avoiding germs your immune system wouldn’t be as resilient. A certain amount of exposure is actually good for you.)

The issue is that the emotional state you’re most accustomed to experiencing becomes engrained and addictive over time.

So when you’re experiencing negative emotions too regularly, and it becomes a pattern, you later wind up being negative even when there’s no point.

YOU CAN’T JUST TURN IT ON AND OFF

Your mind is extremely adaptive.

Whatever emotional-state you experience the most, your mind lays down mental pathways to it, and you become unconsciously inclined to access it again and again.

Over time, the state that you’re most used to feeling becomes wired. It might not feel good, but it feels familiar. You’ve become addicted to it.

If you’re a gangster and you spend 10 years of your life fighting rivals and dodging authorities, your mind will adapt to thrive in an aggressive and paranoid emotional state.

At first you learn to fight to deter and avoid problems. But eventually you grow to like it, and you unconsciously put yourself in situations where you know chaos will ensue.

You’ve been born with this ability to allow you to adapt (and eventually thrive) in even the harshest and most undesirable of circumstances. It’s a gift.

The key is to use it consciously in your favour instead of addicting yourself to a state of mind you don’t want, without even realizing that you’re doing it.

YOU CAN TELL WHAT ENERGY YOU’RE ADDICTED TO

Generally you can tell what energy it is that you’re addicted to, positive or negative, by looking at a few basic factors.

-The way you see people
-The types of people you resonate with
-The vibe of most of your conversations
-The way you remember the events in your life

When you talk to a positive guy, you’ll usually notice that it’s hard to get him onto negative topics for too long. That’s because when you’re addicted to an emotional state, your mind will often create blind spots to anything that could jar you out of it.

You can be fully angry or upset, but if you talk to him about it he won’t really process with the same depth. He’ll probably just say “That sucks man... Awww well...” and then direct the conversation back to something funny or interesting just by reflex.

A guy who tends to be negative, on the other hand, won’t be able to get enough of it. He’ll love the topic, keep directing the conversation back to it, and go on and on and on about all the negative ramifications of your dilemma.

That’s because as a rule of thumb, people tend to gravitate towards conversation topics that reflect their inner state.

When you start to look for this stuff, you start to see it all around you. That doesn’t mean that any time someone addresses a negative issue that they’re negative. But you can get a general sense of what the state they’re most accustomed to by looking at the overall larger picture of how they act.

Beyond all that, generally speaking you can see what emotions you're addicted to just by the company you keep and the way that you remember your life.

If you're a guy who has a lot of negativity "wired into your neurology" then people who are negative will resonate with you on a very deep level.

And likewise, when you think about your life you'll probably remember a lot of the more fun events as being a lot less cool than they actually were.

This happens because with memory "every recall is a reframe" -- so whatever emotional state you're experiencing, when you recall your past experiences you'll likely re-focus what you remember out of it to match up with the way you feel at the time.

SO IN CONCLUSION... MAKE THE DECISION TO BECOME A MORE POSITIVE DUDE

Hopefully at this point you're seeing at least some of the value in a philosophy of being positive.

Maybe you agree with everything you read here, or maybe you feel some of it applies to you and some of it doesn't. Whatever.

The point is that if you're ready to make a change in your life, you have to be very deliberate about it.

It might seem crazy, but if you're willing to get out of your comfort zone then try the "Positivity Challenge" where you spend 10 days reframing everything in your life with a positive spin, and using the way you use your body to take on a more positive way of carrying yourself.

A big key here is also joking around and laughing a lot. Nothing is better for creating the foundation of a positive state.

You'll find that when you do this, you begin to see yourself as being a better guy, you'll see the best in other people, and you'll see your life in an infinitely better light.

It's up to you, and the choice is yours about how you want to live your life, but when you're ready to give this a try, it's always here waiting for you.

Thanks for surviving this massive read!! I'm back to work.


Tyler

Periods Of Intense Productivity -- Avoiding The "Garbage In And Garbage Out"

So I've been holed up in "work mode" lately -- not taking phone calls or getting onto the internet very much.

I've always thrived off of stating my goals publicly, to force myself to be consistent, and my goal right now is to have Blueprint book and the new RSD Nation out by January 2009.

I'm in the zone right now. I've just experienced the most productive year of my life. There have been a lot of rewards for it, both personaly and professionally, and I'm aiming to take it to the next level in the coming months.

What I want to offer here are a few secrets I've been lucky to figure out, and that I've found to be incredibly helpful. A lot of this has been becoming a sort of revolution in how work is done in recent years.

(And by the way -- being back on Blueprint I'm writing about "picking up girls" on an ongoing basis, so I'm thinking the articles over the next few weeks might venture into a lot of non POOOAH related areas like this one -- if you don't dig it, wait for Blueprint because you'll be swimming in all sorts of great stuff on how to become better with girls.)

Alright let's do it.

1- REMOVE THE INTERNET FROM YOUR HOUSE

Getting off of the internet is tough...

I mean, it's so damned COOL. There's so much info at your finger tips it's like you can gluttonize yourself with it.

What's not to love??

Well in Honolulu I removed internet from my house and found that my productivity basically doubled. The internet is a massive diversion. It allows you to continually "click over" to some other site when you don't feel like working.

More than that, I realized that in the past I had an addiction to checking email. Running operations there are always these little "fires" you have to put out on an ongoing basis.

These are distracting and annoying, but even worse, they give you a little shot of adrenaline and stress. Over time the little adrenaline injection becomes addictive, even if it's unpleasant.

Your nervous system is adapted to become addicted to whatever state is most necessary -- whatever you're most exposed to -- and over time you start putting yourself into situations where you can get your "fix" even if it isn't what you really want. That's what the internet became for me.

In Hawaii I fixed it, by making it so I had to bike to the internet cafe about 15 minutes away whenever I wanted to use it. The charge was about $10/hr and it forced me to write my articles from home and just bring them to post them.

In Los Angeles I have a situation where there's a few computers in the lobby, so I can just walk downstairs every few days and do what I need to do. Totally solid.

I still check my favourite sites and blogs, but it's on a PROACTIVELY DECIDED ON period of time, instead of just surfing and surfing.

Really I can't recommend this highly enough.

2- REMOVE TELEVISION FROM YOUR HOUSE

This doesn't even need much explanation.

TV in the house is giving mainstream media a direct link to infect your brain. They change the frame every 7 seconds to keep you constantly stimulated, which causes you to become addicted to instant gratification. No good.

I still have a few shows I enjoy, like "Lost" (because I come from Hawaii so I love all the shots) and "Entourage", and ummmmmmm, actually I think that's all I really watch at this point.

All of these I watch on my laptop player, with no advertising, which I order from Netflix.

Mostly I like to watch nature videos like "Planet Earth" (on Blu Ray -- waaaaay better) and "Blue Planet" so I can plan out the places I'm interested in visiting and it puts me in a good mood.

3- POUND YOURSELF FULL OF BERRIES AND FRUITS AND VEGETABLES AND CLEAN MEATS

White flour, white sugar, saturated fats........NO GO.

I find this stuff fries my brain and burns me out. You eat this stuff and you can't seem to get anything done.

I love food and I love eating, but I pound myself full of all sorts of great stuff that makes me feel "powered up".

Running bootcamps on the weekend I sometimes forget to bring food out with me and I wind up eating hamburgers and all sorts of crap. I've had to discipline myself to bring out the pocket-sized organic bars and proper food in a tupper ware.

Obviously it's funny in contrast to the lifestyle of alcohol, drugs, and eating after-hours pizza that most of these people eat. They're in a different phase of their lives than I am, so it just is what it is.

You have to watch yourself when you're going out a lot, because when you're immersing yourself around party girls on an ongoing basis, you start to become a lot LIKE them.

For the most part, going out a lot is a super positive habit, especially when you're learning all sorts of new stuff about social interaction.

It's just a point of being super clear on your personal standards for yourself, which is valuable in making yourself an attractive person regardless.

4- BLACK OUT YOUR BED ROOM AND SLEEP IN THE PITCH DARK

Most people don't realize how under slept they are. Even if you go to bed early there's still usually light leaking into your room that deprives you of sleep.

Generally you want the room you sleep in to be so dark you can't see your hand in front of your face. Even if you go to bed early there is still light that comes in around 5AM that reduces the ability of sleep to renew you.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pineal_gland

Personally I have my window blacked out 100%, and I put a curtain in front of the door so no light can leak in through the door either. It is very literally pitch black. Phone off. Ear plugs. Yup, those too, as utterly neurotic as it sounds.

Generally I want my mind with full clarity during the day because when I'm underslept I get paranoid and stressed out. I also find my mind tends to veer into a lot of old patterns that I spent years working to change -- negativity, nonsense, bullshit, etc.

The only thing I've proven to do well when under slept is public speaking and running bootcamps. For some reason the little trickle of adrenaline I get from teaching sort of balances out against the lack of sleep.

Regardless I always strive to get as much sleep as possible. The "sweet spot" is 8 hours. But I'd even rather sleep 10 hours and be in the zone all day than sleep 5 hours and have the extra time.

5- TURN YOUR DAMNED CELL PHONE OFF

Any time you answer a text message, answer a phone call, or do anything that takes you out of your zone, it's going to be a least a few minutes before you get back into that zone.

I find I get the most done in 90 minute to 120 minute chunks.

Generally the most productive parts of my year come from when I'm fully engaged in what I'm doing. None of this multitasking nonsense.

I also don't share this often, and I don't judge people for it AT ALL, but I have the personal opinion that having your cell phone left on when you're out with friends is obnoxious.

It's cool in certain situations when you're waiting for a girl to show up, or some buddies to arrive, but once you've got the whole party going it's time to hit the off-switch.

6- RECOGNIZE DRAMA AND AVOID IT

In case you didn't know this about me -- uhhhhh, I've been around a bit of drama in my life.

And so it's been huge, almost epic, to get into a zone where I've consciously moved past it.

Sometimes people ask me about this, like "Does that mean you're AFRAID of drama?? AFRAID of negativity?? Why even react to it enough to avoid it??"

I agree with that, but where I'm coming from is I've been around drama, and heck, been the guy PROPAGATING drama for the first twenty odd years of my life. I figure I've sort of "been there, done that..."

I've learned that the only power drama has over you is it's power to DISTRACT. If you lose even five minutes of your day on some thought loop about people who are annoying you, you've screwed up.

If there are people in your life who are making your head "spun out" with drama, end your relationship with them and let them know the reason why.

(Assuming you're being reasonable and clear thinking -- not just blaming other people for how you feel, when you're being dramatic yourself).

In the past I've had people do that to ME, and it actually helped me to recognize the problems with where my head was at. There is no "favour" in tolerating second class behaviour from people because it communicates to them that what they're doing is cool.

Again -- before you cut out drama from your life, recognize and fix YOUR OWN drama.

BE the person who you expect others to be. You don't attract the friends who you WANT, you attract the friends that are similar to what you currently ARE.

If you change yourself, the types of friends you'll have will improve along with you.

7- WHEN YOU DO SOMETHING FUN MAKE SURE IT'S SOMETHING YOU REALLY ENJOY

To be honest I haven't really figured out what my new hobbies are going to be now that I've moved back to Los Angeles. I'm still re-acquainting myself with the city.

My main hobby for the time being is teaching bootcamps. I consider that my "off time" for the week, even though I'm working hard.

In Hawaii I used to do a lot of hiking and surfing. I also used to bike around all over the neighbourhood.

A day of that leaves me feeling good and ready to work. This is in direct contrast to how the majority of people spend time watching TV or surfing the internet, which just numbs their brains.

"Time off" should FIRE YOU UP, not be used as an ESCAPE.

Do NOT answer your phone when you're out having fun. And even more important, do NOT allow to be dragged into drama or gossip or internal negativity during your time off, because then it becomes absolutely useless.

A big thing when you're working hard is to just take time off to laugh with your friends.

That's something that I've ignored a lot over the years, and I'm now realizing how important it is.

Just being social has a sort of aspect to it where you go home feeling like life is good.

8- MEDITATE FOR 20 MINUTES A DAY

People ask me about this, and my outlook towards it is very practical.

The purpose of meditation is to calm down the internal dialogue that's slowing you down from getting things done.

Meditation basically RECONDITIONS your brain to focus itself sharply, instead of needing to be distracted and fuzzy. This is really such a difference from where most people's heads are at, although hopefully in our lifetimes we'll see that begin to change.

Think of your internal dialogue as a wheel that spins and spins and spins. Meditation slows it down and gets you into that state of clarity that is super productive.

It's a shame that meditation has been associated with the sometimes over-the-top eastern "gurus" and "reincarnation". I have a great deal of respect for all different cultures and belief systems, but I also think such a strong association to the average person who doesn't identify with it can turn them off.

Personally I was turned off of it for YEARS because I had associations to white people dressed up in Indian garments saying "Namaste" and making funny prayer movements.

Sometimes I'll see people get into meditation and get so much peace of mind out of it they wind up using it as an escape.

They get sucked into a mindset that the only goal in life is to be "in the now" -- when for a young person (anyone younger than 50) that's far more about escapism than it is about having profound experience of life.

In my mind meditation is especially applicable for peak performers.

That could be entrepreneurs, CEO's, writers, speakers and stage performers, or ANY occupation AT ALL.

It's a simple habit where you just sit in a chair and look at the wall, allow your awareness onto your breathing, and around the 10 or 15 minute mark you'll find that you become incredibly calm.

There's really nothing to this. You don't have to sit cross-legged or close your eyes. No "Ohmmmm" noises. None of that stuff.

Personally I just sit in my office chair, set my phone alarm to ring "Alarm only" in 20 minutes, and stare at the wall or out the window for twenty minutes.

This is obviously pretty funny to think about, but at the same time, most people who've kept up this habit and then fall off will say stuff like "Man I really need to start doing that again" and "Wow I was really at my best when that was my zone".

You can even get all self righteous and view it as "ME TIME" -- where you're just enjoying yourself, doing what YOU want to do, chilling out and enjoying the fact that you exist.

9- POUND YOU BRAIN FULL OF OXYGEN BY EXERCISING

In Honolulu I used to wake up and blast around the volcano beside my house every morning, along the ocean, and back home. In Los Angeles I'm stuck with a cardio machine but I just read while I'm doing it.

This pummels your brain with oxygen and makes you a smarter dude for at least a few hours.

Generally you want to be pounding yourself with exercise, so your circulatory systems are pumping you brain with oxygen and endorphins throughout the day.

People who live sedentary lifestyle tend to be more "DUUUUUR" than people who exercise. It only gets worse with age as well, which is why most people are less intelligent as they get older when in reality they should be a lot smarter (because they have more knowledge and life experience).

Humans are evolved to walk about 11 or 12 miles a day. If you look at how your ancestors migrated from Africa to Australia, Africa to Asia, Africa to Europe, Africa to Russia and then through to Alaska and all the way down to South America -- this was all in an incredibly short period of time.

These people were incredibly intelligent and adaptable to make it that far, despite not being formally educated.

If you want the similar advantage, which as absolutely melodramatic as it sounds is your BIRTH RIGHT (cue the music -- duh duh duhhhhhhhhh), you have to make it your hobby and passion to make use of your body in similar ways.

10- READ BOOKS THAT HAVE THE VIBE THAT YOU WANT FOR YOURSELF

Generally I try to read every day, and around 400 to 700 pages a week.

Sound extreme?? Well I'd wager that YOU read about the same amount.

The difference is whether it's random Wikipedia articles, Digg, CNN, etc, or is it really high quality stuff??

Warren Buffet's partner Charlie Munger has a great quote:

"In my whole life, I have known no wise people who didn't read all the time-none, zero. You'd be amazed at how much Warren reads-and at how much I read. My children laugh at me, they think I'm a book with a couple of legs sticking out"

Personally I lost the habit of reading for about 3 years when my energy was driven towards mastering POOOAH. My focus was on going out and learning from the world.

Since then my fascination has only increased, but that's something I've furthered by travelling 3 or 4 months a year.

To get back reading took a bit of an adjustment. At first I felt like I wanted to "take a nap" when I'd sit down to read, or I'd get up and pace around every few minutes.

I basically just pushed through it, and forced myself to read for at least an hour a day. Even if I wanted to get up or take a nap I'd just keep doing it. After about six months it was no problem, and at this point I'm good to sit inside reading all day if it's necessary.

However I don't think that "absorbing information" is the purpose of reading at all.

I think that a really great book has a sort of frequency or vibe to it that's based in positivity, abundance, presence, intelligence, and wit, that sort of "re-aligns" you every day to that sort of mindset.

Purpose of reading = re-alignment with that vibe.

Not necessarily more knowledge to tell yourself "I'm soooo smart."

That's also why I enjoy reading autobiographies even if the information in them isn't always directly applicable.

ALRIGHT SO THAT'S IT!!

You'll notice the key and theme here is CONSCIOUSLY CHOOSING YOUR INPUT.

If you allow trash into your system, whether it's bad sleep, bad food, distraction, gossip, pettiness, or whatever, it's going to be "Garbage in, garbage out..."

Do your best to maximize the positive influences into your zone.

A bit of bullshit is totally fine, and you don't want to lose your grounding in reality by living in "Happy world" all the time -- where a bit of nonsense knocks you on your head.

The point is just to make the conscious choice to saturate yourself with the "good stuff" -- and when you do that, the results you're going to produce are going to be a reflection of that.

And this isn't something I arrived to over a short period of time.

It was an adjustment over the past few years. Each habit was implemented individually, usually over a month's time.

In the past I was younger and I didn't care that much about my life. I allowed myself to get involved in bullshit, whether it was neglecting my health, getting involved in useless drama and gossip, or allowing my mind to run all over the place.

I implemented all this stuff because I realized I'm getting older and I wanted the time to visit the places I wanted to visit, and to do the things I want to do.

Oh yeah, and before you ask, I still make the time to go out and hit the clubs three nights a week -- so this isn't an "either/or" type of scenario.

AT ALL.

The bottom line is you're worth it, no??

You have to respect yourself enough to figure out a system to get what you want in life -- adapted to whatever phase of your life you're in at the particular time.

This is a small window into MY system, and if you want to elevate yourself then you likely want to come up with one of your own.

Hopefully that's helpful, and of course, thanks for reading, as always!!


Tyler

OH YES It's On In L.A.

So. I finally did it.

Back to Los Angeles!! YES.

Leaving Honolulu kind of sucks. Waking up every morning on the ocean balcony with the lush landscape -- uhhhhhhh, it's a bit different than waking up in a condo with a hepafilter going 24/7.

But L.A. is where I need to be at.

A final six months or a year of non stop bootcamp to wrap it up (I haven't decided yet).

Then the main reason I'm here -- to be fully immersed in the classes I need to take to in order to start the "long walk" to mainstream crossover.

One of the big lessons I had already figured, and that was blatantly obvious speaking to the big guy/girl audiences last week, is that to crossover you really CANNOT take yourself too seriously.

In Blueprint I was all crazy intense which related to guys on the core issues they deal with. In the mainstream it's all about being laid back and making fun of yourself.

The past few years have been about getting the professional life together. Going from being a hotdog stand of kids trying to hustle into the limelight to running a proper organization.

Those habits worked to take things to this level, but the NEXT level requires a new focus stacked on top of the old one.

Maintaining the work habits and professionalism on cruise control, but at the same time, easing into a more ridiculous and laidback state of mind.

Realizing it's all just a fun journey, and the biggest joke is, well, yourself.

That means hitting up the improv, open mic comedy, vocal and media training, and taking more time to clown around with my friends.

This sounds trivial but I think it's so f__king key. You can't be rolling into the mainstream as dude who calls himself TYLER DURDEN the known PICK UP ARTIST and be all self important like you can in the underground.

"Hello. IIIIIIIII am Tyler Durden. Super Charm Pick Up Artist turned Anthony Robbins wannabe." Uhhhh, NO DUDE, go sit back in your corner.

It's got to be like "Yeah, I GET IT that this whole deal is kind of insane. But it's also pretty cool if you check it out."

It's all about connecting with people in a way they can relate to. Once they're open minded THEN you can turn up the volume knob.

You don't just pump your message like "bang bang bang" -- you've got to be fully cool with the fact that you're kind of a weird dude, because the circus of mainstream media is going to bring that type of energy towards you either way.

At the same time I think it's still good to be a bit controversial and hated on, like in the underground, to embrace it and not resist it. So it's always a mix between the type of dude who sparks an emotional reaction and strong opinions to keep people talking about you, and then simultaneously, still being able to get your message across.

Anyway this is a whole new deal, with a couple of new skillsets.

There's going to be some growing pains here -- but hey, there's nothing new about that one.


Tyler

First Big Gig !! -- Week Of Blasting The Comfort Zone

So this week I had my first big gig for 1000 people!!

I shared the stage with the people from the movie "The Secret" and various other awesome speakers from all different backgrounds. It was amazing.

My buddy Jesse hooked me up with this and said there was one caveat: "The audience is going to be 50% women."

Obviously I was pretty dumb-founded because 1) I'm NOT a woman, and 2) I've never taught this stuff to women within a professional context.

To prepare I sent out a promo to the email list in Los Angeles where I'd do a free 2 hour program for anyone who would bring a girl with them.

I think I must have had a lack of faith because I was joking with Papa that probably nobody would show up. But we had a solid turnout of about 50 people -- thanks to the 20 guys who had the guts to bring a girl and introduce them to this area of their lives.

The situation was absolutely hilarious.

Guys who weren't able to get a girl on time were out on the street pulling girls into the seminar. The girls who were brought in advanced were totally cool and comfortable but the girls who were met on the street were obviously initially skeptical (except a few who were super chill).

At first I felt off balance and disoriented, but the program was FULL AWESOME and I learned a lot.

For guys I spoke about how our paradigms in the game evolve, and for girls I talked about the games that women often play and how to achieve true substance beyond that in order to attract and hang onto a guy who has a lot of options.

I also invited the women to talk to me about their issues and we addressed them, which was really educational for me.

It was definitely a lot more, uhhhhhhhhh, "interesting" to be surrounded by a group of fascinated (and fascinating) women for Q&A after the program than my usual barrage of all dudes. :)

What I loved most about the program was that it wasn't a "Rah Rah!!" fest of guys talking THEORETICALLY about "hot babes" that they want to hook up with.

Rather it was totally blunt and raw (as always), but at the same time because it was 60% women IN THE ROOM it was more grounded in the tangible reality of relating to a girl on a level that escalates.

Beyond that, I felt like it gave a vibe where learning this stuff was natural and WIN/WIN, which gave the guys in attendance more than just theoretical knowledge -- but an actually internal sense of feeling super good about the material they're learning (as opposed to the "subverting the social order" type vibe you sometimes see in the PUA community).

The entire time I was thinking "WHY DID I WAIT SO LONG TO DO THIS??!!"

It's just so much more...........*REAL*.

Like FULL LEGIT and focused on the core of WHAT WORKS -- because the female energy in the room prevents the minds of the guys in attendance from deviating into "absurd theory land".

I could see a situation where every free workshop I teach has "bring a girl" as a being mandatory.

Obviously a lot of guys just won't attend out of fear of being judged (or inconvenienced), but it ultimately FORCES everyone to relate to women very directly when they're thinking about what it means to be attractive.

Anyway the program was this past Saturday and it was good preparation for the 1000 person audience which was on Tuesday.

At the same time, I could see that the material for Saturday's audience was NOT going to be adaptable for Tuesday's audience because it was so personalized.

This left me with a crazy amount of lingering anxiety over the next two days because I felt unprofessional and unprepared. My average audience is 50-350 of all guys, and teaching material that has years of polish on it. The idea of engaging 1000 people and half women with material being improvised on the spot was totally outside my comfort zone.

Regardless, I threw together a 90 minute presentation of what I THOUGHT might potentially jive with the audience and decided to give it a shot.

I sat at the back of the room with adrenaline surging while they introduced me to the front, watched as the big group jumped up for the standing ovation (despite having no idea who I am), and strolled up to the front.

With the sea of people I couldn't see the back of the room. The lights were in my face and I could see the big videos of me off to the right and the left.

I was so "outside my head" I didn't even really know what I was saying. The crowd tested me a few times and I just teased them down and got everyone laughing.

From years of interacting with women I knew all sorts of "hot button" topics that they'd find engaging, and obviously the material for guys had years of preparation.

It was soooooooo easy to break out the larger audience in laughter.

With a 50 person audience your humor has to be like a laser because people are more self conscious and many of the guys want to be "too cool for school". With a 1000 person audience the people are just waiting for an excuse to laugh. You can say literally anything and they're roaring in laughter and cheering you on.

It took me about 3 minute to figure out the "pattern" of how the audience responds and make the adjustment in speaking style. I'd never done a speech like that in my life. It was a totally different vibe.

But now that I've figured it out I feel like I "get it" and I'll never have to think about it again.

Anyway I was probably the most nervous and unpolished speaker, but at the same time I think the content of the speech was the most entertaining -- how could it NOT be with such an off the wall topic??

After the speech I walked back to the VIP room and felt my head and eyes pounding, as well as super nauseous like I couldn't eat or drink.

I think I was holding in a lot of stress from feeling unprepared the past few days. More than that though, I think over the years I'd been feeling a sort of repressed uneasiness about how a mass audience of women would respond to the ideas that are taught in Real Social Dynamics.

By communicating directly with women I realized that this was totally unfounded. Probably there are more GUYS who object to this type of material because they're rationalizing a life time of doing things WRONG than there are women who aren't into it.

(Obviously you can never please everybody or make everybody like you -- but bottom line is the crowd response was rock solid).

So from this I learned that 1) it's possible to do big audiences, 2) women love this stuff when you relate it to them with blunt honesty about where you're coming from, and 3) if you're willing to put yourself out there you can push through anxiety and adapt in the moment to produce results.

I take nothing for granted, but assuming I continue to work hard I know I'll be speaking to 5,000 to 30,000 person audiences within 5 years.

This was a lot like the first time speaking for David DeAngelo at the "Mastery" program back in 2004. Totally new and unfamiliar, but the experience that was a next stage in personal evolution.

The time and rigor has been put in over the years to prepare for this, so it's just a point of continuing to execute.

Thanks for reading!!


Tyler

Beyond A Narrow View Of Reality

In the middle of moving away from Honolulu -- probably no time for any substantial article this week so thought to post this home video from South Africa.

There were several videos from this trip, and this was one that friends seemed to have a strong response towards upon my return home.

You may find this to be off-putting, however on the positive side, South Africa has made incredible progress as a nation in recent years. It is really a beautiful and amazing country.

If you're interested in learning more I recommend Nelson Mandela's book "Long Road To Freedom" and visiting the country in person to have your experience reading come to life. I am personally planning on a cross-continent excursion from Cape Town to Cairo within the next two years.

My personal passion in Africa is it's amazing culture and natural environment. I also believe that as I take on more responsibility in future years, travelling will allow me to learn more about the patterns, trends, and historical context of the world in which we live.

There was an interview between Roger Ebert and President Bill Clinton posted on RSDN recently -- which touched on the movie "Fight Club".

RE: I got an email from somebody who said, "Well, my generation," this is an amazing email, "my generation has been denied the opportunity your generation had to fight a war like Vietnam. We don't have any way to test ourselves so we have to go to movies like "Fight Club."" And I'm thinking, "That's not what wars are for." His reasoning seemed to be so screwed up.

WJC: Well, the young people they don't have to deal with Vietnam, but I think if they had they would find it was way overrated. You know, losing 58,000 people and a whole other generation of people who were alienated from it and the traumas that so many people went through and there's not a person who went through it who's still not marked by it in some way.

Or even more importantly, the civil rights movement, you know that was a very positive thing, but for the people who suffered under the oppression of segregation or who like Congressman John Lewis had their lives threatened because they stood up for civil rights. You know, I wouldn't wish that on the young people of this generation. There's still a lot of problems in this world.

You know, if they really want to throw themselves into something they could figure out what to do about the AIDS epidemic, threatening Africa and increasingly Indians in Asia. They could figure out what to do to save a lot of these kids that are still being lost in our own country. There's still mountains to climb out there. There are things outside yourself to throw yourself into. You don't have to get beat up by somebody you know.

In my mind Bill Clinton is a clear voice of reason right here.

Chuck Palaniuk's book is an expose of a generation that lacks purpose and masculine intent -- a generation that feels empty.

However as we have become an abundance based society -- and as an individual that could be abundance in your dating, personal, and professional life -- let's not forget that there are many mountains left to climb.

It's perhaps not a lack of challenge, but a lack of focus on any higher purpose in our modern "me" based culture, that makes people feel something missing in their lives.


Tyler

A Very Quick Thought: The "Loudness" Of Your "Inner Voice"

A quick thought (and a strange story)........

About a year ago I was dieting down and took a "fat burner" for about 2 weeks.

Fat burners are basically pills that elevate your fight or flight response. I later learned they don't really do anything to make you lose weight, but make you agitated so you'll burn around 7% more calories by fidgeting and pacing around.

What was most bizarre about this was that during the second week I stupidly landed myself in 5 altercations in 7 days.

The final altercation, and last straw, was when I was winding up to lay out this guy who had talked a bunch of shit to my buddy Olcay (because his girlfriend walked up and started flirting with him -- which wasn't Olcay's fault at all).

I remember hearing the storming of the keen-eyed bouncers converging on me for about 3 seconds before they put me in a choke hold that almost knocked me unconscious.

WHOA!!

Anyway the big thing I learned from those two weeks, aside from that taking fat burners is absolutely stupid, is that different people have a different "loudness" to their "inner voice".


Whereas normally I wouldn't fight anybody for any reason (because that's an old part of me I've left behind), on fat burners I found myself rationalizing and unable to think "big picture" enough to see how useless it is.

That being the case, I wondered, "What would I do if this was the way my mind was wired ALL THE TIME??"

It's easy to condemn people for being angry, but at the same time, it's worth considering that they might have a harder time dealing with it than you do.

Maybe when somebody pisses you off you're able to stay calm and say "This dude is being a fool. It's not worth the trouble to teach him a lesson. Let him figure out his life on his own."

(Funny this was how I was rationalizing it -- I needed to stop guys acting ignorant from doing this to other people).

But another guy might have a voice in his head screaming "FUCK THIS GUY!! FUCK THIS GUY!! FUCK THIS GUY!!" that won't shut up.

What I realized is that many guys who study success with women have the same type of challenge.

Some dudes get that voice that says "You're not good enough... You're going to create an awkward social situation..." and they just ignore it and approach the girl anyway.

Other guys hear it, and it won't shut up.

It totally consumes them and they identify with it to the point of thinking it's ACTUALLY TRUE.

Personally my inner voice has probably been pretty loud over the years (especially when I was a kid). I see things and feel them very vividly.

At the same time, this has forced me over 28 years to continually establish and improve upon what I guess you could call "pillars of sanity".

Whereas I feel emotional chaos very vividly, I've also learned the skill of keeping the inner voice in check.

I view it a lot like how Wesley Snipes has to deal with his vampire disease in the movie "Blade". Whereas most people will just turn into vampires if they get bitten, he's already actively dealing with it so it's handled automatically.

When the volume knob on those crazy inner voices (that everyone deals with to varying degrees) gets turned up, you have to have those quick fire laser guns armed and ready to zap them out.

That can be in the form of reframes, attitude, changing your physiology, and various other "centering" rituals that you've implemented throughout your day.

It's also about learning about the structure of your mind. Eckhart Tolle's book "A New Earth" is a fantastic guide for that, and really you can go as deeply with the topic as you're interested.

You've got to let the emotions "flow through you" and "run their course" instead of resisting and compartmentalizing them. I never cried since I was probably 10 or 12 years old until I was around 26 when I learned how to do it again. Since then if I get pissed off I just let it out quickly and get back on with it.

This has been a massive asset.

It allows you to take on situations of greater and greater pressure, and actually offers you the ability handle a greater load than most people could handle because you already have the habits in place.

I really believe that over several years you can use your condition as leverage to become a lot happier than most people, because once you've "got it down" the rest of your life is pure gravy.

Anyway this was really just meant to be a quick piece for guys on RSD Nation who post articles like "I'M SO INSECURE ABOUT X,Y,Z!!" or whatever else is ailing them.

Hey, we all feel it. I know that inner voice is messing with your flow and it's not easy to turn down the volume.

Instead of letting it take you over, use it as leverage to become focused and present on an exceptionally high level.

It will allow you to sort out your own life, and be an inspiration for others in the process.

Make sense?? Awesome!! :)


Tyler

What The Heck Is A "Figurehead" Anyway??

Wow, what a couple of weeks.

Bootcamp is my true passion. I love it. Man is it ever fucking fun.

If I could do anything I wanted, I'd teach bootcamp three days a week and use the rest of my time to be in the outdoors.

Anyway it looks like there was some confusion on what I meant by "moving on from the figurehead role with RSD" so I wanted to talk a bit about that.

Let's hit it up with a bit of Q&A........

"WHAT THE HECK IS A FIGUREHEAD??"

For me a figurehead is a man or woman whose face represents the brand of a company.

Richard Branson is the figurehead of Virgin, Donald Trump is the figurehead of the Trump Organization.

The success or failure of these organizations benefit, but also HINGE upon the day-to-day reputations of these charismatic individuals.

In my own case I've been the main figurehead of Real Social Dynamics over the years.

However in the past 24 months the emphasis on my personality has been shifted towards other talent on the team.

(Note: Tim either looks really cool or really gay in this picture -- I can't decide).

The travelling workshops are taught by Jeffy -- and they rock.

The Superconferences have been taught by Tim, Alex, Nathan, Ozzie, and Jeffy for nearly a year now (without me being there) -- and they've reviewed more highly than any SC where I was in attendance.

The most recent DVD program was by Tim -- and it was "flawless".... :)

The bootcamps are taught by a crack team of super professionals -- Jeffy, Ozzie, Tim, Alex, Nathan, Ryan, and Saad.

So I haven't been the main figurehead of RSD for some time now.

My recent post was just the first time most people have probably thought about it.

SO WHAT IS YOUR ROLE WITHIN RSD??

Being a figurehead has been less than 25% of my responsibilities with RSD, and so far in 2008 it has been non-existent.

My duties consist of content creation, management, strategy, marketing, instructor training, innovation and quality control, and a litany of other tasks. My average workday this year has been 10 to 13 hours, and oftentimes 20 hours for several days during the launches of our DVD/CD programs.

I've done this because I believe in what Real Social Dynamics has to offer so strongly, and being the sole teacher would limit the value I can contribute.

Right now RSD consists of a team.

Jeffy, Tim, Ozzie, Alex, Nathan, Ryan, and Saad. Extra instructors are Todd, Christophe, and Siam.

That is probably the strongest, most deeply talented group of individuals I could ever have been privileged to surround myself with.

By running RSD in the way I've been doing it, we've been able to offer live in field trainings at a THREE ON ONE student to instructor ratio for $1500 in the local cities.

FIFTEEN HUNDRED DOLLARS!! FOR A THREE ON ONE!!

???!!!

The coming year will likely see prices increase to $1950 and $2450 for events where instructors have to travel. That's because prices have remained the same since 2003 and instructors are due for a raise.

Regardless this one of the accomplishments with RSD that has given me tremendous happiness.

The fact that even a young guy in his twenties can afford to take a bootcamp with a master instructor at a price that's within reach means the world to me.


WHAT ARE YOUR GOALS FOR THE NEAR FUTURE??

Visionary organizations that contribute the most to culture and society are often born through the efforts of a strong-willed individual (or a small group of them).

However if that company is to survive past the death of the founders, the core ideology must be institutionalized and woven into the fabric of the organization.

Real Social Dynamics has grown into something more important than a toy for me to screw around with. It's bigger than my own personal interests.

What RSD represents is a light for guys who want to change themselves.

It represents a culture of becoming conscious and personally evolved. A culture of moving towards authenticity and unplugging from social conditioning. A place where you can go to re-tune into the frequencies of presence and abundance and positivity.

It's also pretty cool because guys get laid a lot.... :)

My vision for RSD is an organization and culture that's around a lot longer than I am.

The truth is RSD is not about ME. It's about YOU.

Like Hillary Clinton who steps up and endorses Barrack Obama for the good of her party -- I will always do what is best for the organization.

Obviously the "fun" thing to do would be to continue as figurehead and soak up all the attention. But that's not what's best for the longevity of the culture.

I'm an experienced figurehead and I have my own gifts to contribute. But there are also guys on the team who are more talented and more on the cutting edge with dating and pickup than I am.

These are guys so strong their potentials have only shown the tip of the iceberg.

My own strongest ability to contribute is in the area of building a culture that has a positive influence on the largest number of people possible.

As Jim Collins would call it "Being a clock maker instead of a time teller."

OTOH if I see a value in stepping up and putting my face out there I'll continue to do it.

For as long as I've been doing this I've always been at the beck and call to do whatever it is that's needed to be done.

WHAT DIRECTION IS RSD GOING IN WITH THE COMING YEAR??

The Blueprint book will most likely be finished and released in the coming months.

Jeffy has a book that he's been working on for a few years now, which I'm very excited about.

Ozzie has also been putting together a program on "High energy environments and physical game" which will most likely be a book, potentially with accompanying audio.

From there my biggest project is the launch of the new RSD Nation.

So far it has $100,000 dumped into it and that will be pushing $200,000 by the time it's completed.

The new site will allow users their own social networking profiles and blogs, similar to Facebook or Myspace.

It will also feature multi-media instructor articles 5 days a week on the front page, similar to the articles you read on this blog.

I'm also going to be completing a "mainstream" book that I've been working on, which will help people to learn more about RSD without their first dose being the somewhat eccentric Blueprint material.

WHAT DO YOU SEE REAL SOCIAL DYNAMICS CONTRIBUTING TO OUR CULTURE AS A WHOLE??

The growth curve of RSD has been extremely aggressive.

I haven't cowered away at the struggling economy, and instead I've opted to take matters in my own hands by growing the organization at a frantic pace to provide people with more jobs.

Right now we provide over 60 people with full time paid employment, and another 40 with internships that endow them the education and skills to find opportunities with us or other organizations.

Consistently I've watched as organizations this past year have allowed the fear of economic recession hamper their ambitions toward greatness when in a lean times what's needed is exactly the opposite approach.

If RSD is lucky to survive the tightrope walk that will ensue over the next 10 years, my goal is to see the culture spread into the mainstream.

There will never be a situation where every guy out there is into RSD. It's not possible because it deliberately only appeals to a certain kind of person.

But my dream is that everyone who needs this culture will at least have the opportunity to become aware of it.

This may sound self important, but I am a huge believer in the power that it gives men when they "get their balls back".

And when you intertwine that culture into self actualization and learning to offer real value to other people, that effect becomes magnified.


WHAT ARE YOUR GOALS IN TAKING ON SELF HELP IN ADDITION TO REAL SOCIAL DYNAMICS??

Obviously this has been a debate for me, and I've flipped back and forth.

My true passion is teaching bootcamps.

In my ideal world somebody else would have my job with RSD and I'd just teach bootcamps every weekend.

I've also dealt with a lot of personal doubt about growing a new enterprise.

On a certain level I could see the advantage of sticking purely with RSD and just enjoying my life. I love the island of Kauai and I picture myself moving there and raising a family.

Doing that would allow me to focus on other goals that I have, like learning to climb mountains and hopefully climbing Mount Everest someday.

I'm also planning an expedition through the African continent from Cape Town to Cairo which will take 3-6 months and might be filmed by the Discovery Channel (I'll be doing it for my own experience whether they film it or not).

My biggest hobby is being up in the mountains and in the ocean. I want to get into scuba diving and riding motercycles. I want to keep travelling to more exotic places, like the Amazon and Antartica and Tibet. All this stuff takes a lot of training and time.

(Probably speaking about this so nonchalant to the casual reader seems odd -- but these are my passions and they're what keep me going through the tough times).

Regardless I've felt a calling into the self help world because I feel it's the area in which I can offer the most value.

I am a strong believer that it's individuals who change the world, and that every generation requires people who have the ability to offer their contributions.

The world is plagued with many problems which I have no ability to solve, however I can make a minor but significant difference by educating myself and others on the subject matters we engage in with RSD -- but to all people on a wider scale.

I also have a dream of starting a non profit (NGO) and donating 20% of annual profit for various humanitarian projects, and I believe I can make it happen.

The areas I'm most passionate about are the environment, climate change, and education. I'm so fascinated by this stuff I have to put it down to prevent myself from being distracted -- because to be in a POSITION to do anything about it I have to stay focused on my more immediate tasks.

I'm also very passionate about global poverty however I believe that for the global economy to be afforded time to stabilize our climate needs to be stable as well.

Papa has always said that the key to solving the world's problems is found in "Education and infrastructure" and this is a huge passion for both of us.

Being in self help puts me in a position to make contributions in those areas, and access to the types of people who can help me to make a difference.

Obviously the Nelson Mandela's and Richard Branson's of the world will not answer the phone calls of a "pickup" teacher, and that's a realistic fact that I have to deal with.

On a certain level I've put myself in a difficult position by being in the dating field. That's both because of the controversial nature of the subject, and also the various negative press I've taken as a result of the industry being so young and competitive.

Many of the articles I wrote in my early twenties reflected a degree of misogyny and immaturity. My biggest press exposure is a very well written book that calls me out as being untrustworthy, souless, and manipulative.

This will obviously follow me for the duration of my career, however these are hurdles I'll continue to cross by basically paying it no mind and continuing to put out the best value I'm capable of producing.

The truth is I would never BE in this position if it weren't for the "pick up artist" stuff.

So while I may have regrets, I'm extremely grateful.

HOW THE HECK ARE YOU GOING TO PULL THIS OFF??

The self help industry does over 8 billion a year in sales.

The key to "making it" in self help is to speak to audiences continually, and get involved in training like improv, stand up comedy, hip hop, and anything I can do to make myself more dynamic on stage.

To do that I'll be surrounding myself with a team of teachers and advisors who can work with me continually in order to reach the level I need to reach.

I'm going to be required to "go back to the drawing board" on a lot of things and become a newbie again. Many of my best skills I'm going to have to re-learn from the ground up.

On the good side I've built up a large number of contacts in self help over the years, and many of them have been super helpful.

My writing skills and ability to articulate personal development are already at a level on par with anyone else out there. What you read on this blog is probably less than 1% of what I know, and what I have to offer.

So I'm confident with at least those areas.

The bottom line is I'm willing to be disciplined, adapt and evolve, admit and learn from my mistakes, and meet the challenges I face head-on.

SO WHERE WILL YOU BE LIVING THIS YEAR THEN??

My lease in Honolulu runs out on September 20th and I'm scheduled to relocate to Florianopolis -- a beautiful island in South Brazil.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Florianopolis

Here is a quote as probably most people reading are not familiar:

"Florianopolis Brazil is one of the most beautiful and safest cities in the country and is where most Brazilians and other neighboring countries go to vacation (not Rio de Janeiro, as many would believe). Florianopolis (called Floripa for short) is famous for it's abundant beautiful women and white sandy beaches pumping with some of the best surf in the world. Many world travelers claim that, with all things considered, it is the best place in the world and have even settled there full time or simply purchased vacation homes there."

My girlfriend is from Latin America and surfs 7 days a week, and I thoroughly enjoyed living in Argentina last year -- so it stands out as an ideal living situation.


However one option I've suddenly found myself considering is going back to Los Angeles and teaching a final year of bootcamps every single weekend -- while doing the training I need to do for self help during the week.

These last two bootcamps have really caused a change in me.

Not only is my "pick up artist" skillset firing on all cylinders right now, but I'm feeling more present, calm, and outgoing than I've ever felt.

That's after what turned out to be an unusually stressful and hectic work week, which further highlights how good it's been for me.

I'm seeing a lot of value in the in field teaching, and I also realize that in the future I may not have the ability to teach in the field because of my exposure being elevated (similar to what I'm sure a few of my peers and past mentors are dealing with today).

I remember a passage in Russel Simmon's book "Do You!" where he talked about a hip hop artist who used to think it was all about the money and cars and women. Later he got all that and realized it was anti-climatic. What he really loved was rapping and creating music.

That's in many ways how I feel about RSD. What I really love is teaching bootcamp. I laugh my ass off the entire time and I go home at the end of the night with a feeling of calm that I can't get from doing anything else.

I love watching the guys improve because I feel like I'm taking a time machine and teaching my past self, back when I really needed it. It gives me a sense of closure on that difficult time in my life.

On top of that I really just love chatting up girls and "banging the guns" of the skillset I spent so many years working to improve.

I'll be in the Napa Valley in Northern California the final week of September to speak at the PSi Seminar "Principia" event.

During that time I'll make the decision on where I'll be living this year, and then relocate.

AND LASTLY, WHAT CAN *YOU* EXPECT TO GAIN FROM YOUR EXPERIENCE WITH RSD THIS YEAR??

This year is going to be the bomb.

You've seen nothing, literally, absolutely nothing.

Just from these past bootcamps I've developed a solid 4 hours of new material that I've found extremely valuable.

Really practical stuff on rapid fire state changes, and the ability to talk endlessly. I expect to develop it over the coming month.

Guys like Alex are really stepping up and blowing me away.

Aside from posting bizarre videos of being rejected by drunk chicks on Youtube, he's stepped his skills up to a level I never thought possible.

You've probably noticed that he's written a 40 page article on www.alexattitude.com -- it's the second one down on the right toolbar.

Tim has also returned from spreading the gospel of the flawless natural through Europe (he's now taking a break to decide on his future in Australia) -- and he's reported that Ryan is in his opinion the top instructor on the team right now.

Obviously that's up for debate and rabid competition, but this is going to be a very big deal as he moves to Chicago and runs amuck across the Midwest.

He also has his own blog coming, which the beta prototypes are now up at www.ryanforreal.com.

We may go with a different site address and different look. We're still messing around with it. Actually we're thinking of re-naming Ryan "Yahya Jones" and having him grow a mustache. No kidding.

Jeffy's public speaking has hit a new level from his year of travelling -- ie: the stratosphere.

I attended his free 2 hour program this month in Honolulu and it was hands down the funniest 2 hours in recent memory. I had to contain myself from rolling around on the floor.

Nathan is just KILLING it with his programs right now. He has his own angles on "being your own guru" and "being the man you're meant to be".

I've been soaking up everything he's doing in his programs and seeing a cirriculum that's innovative and entirely unique, centered around the core of RSD.

Ozzie is as consistent as ever. He's dealing with a loss in his family right now, but he's continued to persevere and create new and innovative material.

The man is really going to "change the game" with the release of his material on high energy environments and physical game.

Saad is furthering his other career of acting, and bringing in all sorts of improv exercises that he's mastered into his program. That's a brand new area that I've had limited exposure to, and that he's opening me up to this coming year.

Papa is coming back to teach bootcamps full time. After taking years away from it he's going back to his roots in RSD.

The man has taught more programs than almost any instructor in the industry and yet nobody knows it. That's about to change.

(Note: Especially with me posting this ridiculous picture of him at this pink toga party).

Ultimately it's all this movement that comes together to create the energy and vibe that comprises Real Social Dynamics.

With a peer group like this, how can you NOT make the choice to step up and take action??

That's what I want YOU to be a part of. As the reader, as the end-user, and as a guy looking to actualize all your potential.

We do this for YOU. We do this to "pay it forward" and see you "pay it forward" too.

This is a year that you're going to step up your skills with women to a level you never thought possible.

You're going to do this for the dating lifestyle you've always wanted. You're going to do it for the personal strengths that you develop in the process, and for the value that allows you to offer to others.

You'll continue to be enlivened and to have your eyes opened wider and wider to a new abundant reality -- just as you've come to expect.

That's my mission to you, and that's what's got me so hard at work. I'm out here hustling harder than ever.

It doesn't stop.

Tyler

Potential Final BC Events

Alright so probably by now you've heard I'm wrapping up with my role as figurehead of RSD and moving into self help.

If you're not a regular reader of RSDN then you probably guessed it based on the content of this blog.

This has been a conflict for me personally because "personal transformation" and "pick up artistry" are intense passions of mine and I love teaching bootcamps. Funny enough I actually consider teaching bootcamp my "time off" because I enjoy it so much.

Regardless I have to take this next step which will likely limit my future availability to, well, pretty much nothing.

That being the case, I'm considering teaching one final round of bootcamps here in Honolulu.

Usually when you read about a guy like myself doing a "final round" of BC's it's some sort of stunt to extract an inordinate amount of money, however I have no interest in that.

For as long as I've been in RSD it's always been the standard Special Event price of $2000 for the 3-on-1's, and any BC I run is always three straight nights from Thursday to Saturday.

Usually I'll bring you out to the mountains during the daytime on Saturday if you're interested but that's outside of the official bootcamp hours and purely to relax (ie: save the game questions until the program hours begin -- just have fun).


This is a cirriculum of intense personal transformation and skillset development that I've developed over 7 years. If you've seen "Blueprint Decoded" this is about 100 times more intense because it's live and in the field, where I rule like Godzilla knocking down buildings in Tokyo.

I love the field. It makes me feel like a blue whale gorging down krill "Mwwwwaaaaaaaah". Or like Sonic the hedgehog collecting all the rings. I really can't get enough.

If I do this, I'm only looking to take on students who are serious about personal transformation and their skillset.

I take these extremely seriously and I expect you to bring the same level of commitment. Any BC I teach is expected to be a formative experience and one of the most defining weekends of your life. This can only happen when both the student and the teacher are firing on all cylinders.

You will NOT find the dates on the schedule. I want to read what your interest is in this personally.

It doesn't have to be anything crazy but you have to be clear on what you want to get out of this.

That being the case if you're *serious* you can email me directly at tyler@realsocialdynamics.com.


The potential dates I'm considering (and again, this is tentative whether or not I'll do this) are:

August 21-23 (sold out).

...and

August 28-30 (sold out).

...and

September 4 - 6 (update: this WAS sold out but there was a cancellation, so there is now one final slot).

...and

September 11 - 13 (update: sold out).

I may do one of these weekends, or all three. I haven't yet decided so include the date which you're most interested in.

Also include your phone number so my very helpful admin (Stuart or Huey) can contact you as soon as I decide.

Obviously the bootcamps I run are known to be intense. I've taught about 90% of the well known PUA gurus over the years and I'm a perfectionist.

Many people are shocked by the level of intensity I bring to these so if you want to know what to expect you can read the following:

http://www.rsdnation.com/showthread.php?t=28069

http://www.rsdnation.com/showthread.php?t=11440

http://www.rsdnation.com/showthread.php?t=14592

http://www.rsdnation.com/showthread.php?t=17027

http://www.rsdnation.com/showthread.php?t=7552

http://www.rsdnation.com/showthread.php?t=10557

http://www.rsdnation.com/showthread.php?t=5325

http://www.rsdnation.com/showthread.php?t=5322

http://www.rsdnation.com/showthread.php?t=1029

http://www.rsdnation.com/showthread.php?t=252

Have fun!!


Tyler

So You're Too Smart For Your Own Good??

(Out of the loop for a while. Dragging around the poor team on various treks in the Hawaiian islands. Let's crank this out real fast and raw.)

If you’ve ever suspected that you’re too smart for your own good, today’s article is for you.

First of all you’re probably wondering “What the heck does it mean to be too smart for your own good?”

You can have many types of intelligence.

Book smarts. Street smarts. A genius with music. A genius with locating discount grocery store coupons.

Whatever.

This being a blog about “social dynamics” the topic is how being a smarty-pants plays out in your social life.

There's a few main areas I've personally noticed over the years.

Let's run 'em through.

THINKING WHILE OTHER PEOPLE TALK:

Right off the bat, if you’re the kind of person who creates a lot of value by THINKING then it’s probably going to be hard to locate the off-switch.

Learning is an addiction.

Once your brain has been forced into a gear where it’s learning all the time it goes from being tiring and annoying to enlivening and awesome.

You start to see the bigger picture and realize all the potential.

Over the years you become a fiend for more knowledge.

"MORE BITCH....MOOOOOOOOOOOORE."

The same goes for analysing information into useable, practical bite-sized chunks.

Analysis is an addiction. So you think and think, and then think and think some more.

The problem is that while other people are talking, what are you doing??

THINKING.

After all, if you’re thinking in terms of big picture concepts then you’re probably holding up all sorts of images in your head and trying to weave them together into something coherent.

Ironically it’s often when you relax for a minute (while listening) that the jumble of information starts to congele into some sort of epiphany.

So you’re listening to somebody and –C-L-I-C-K- you have a realization.

"Wait a sec man...Wait a sec...Did you realize blah blah blah blah blah blah blah..."

The problem here is that it’s always about YOU.

You’re interrupting the other person and they don’t feel like you’re listening to them.

The solution to this one is to make a firm life commitment to “let some of them go” in terms of your ideas.

This was actually a point made to me about five years ago by a buddy of mine.

He told me point blank “Dude you HAVE to decide what’s more important to you. Vocalizing every idea or having people think you’re a cool guy. It’s up to you.”

I said to him “Yeah but my attention span is short. If I don’t get it out I’ll lose it.”

Again he said “It’s up to you man. It’s one or the other. Do what you want but it’s up to you.”

This hit me hard and I never forgot it. From then on whenever anyone spoke I made the choice to listen to them one hundred percent.

The bottom line is that when another person is talking, you have to allow your awareness to be on THEM as opposed to your own train of thought.

If you have a realization while they’re talking you have to accept that you might lose it.

"I might forget this and NEVER get it back. That’s fine. The world will be OK."

TELLING PEOPLE THAT YOU’VE ALREADY THOUGHT OF THEIR IDEAS:

Next is probably one of the biggest ways that “smart folk” successfully alienate themselves from untold legions of people.

That’s that in all likelihood, you’ve already thought of almost every idea that the majority of people have ever had.

Now of course, that doesn’t mean that you have nothing to learn from people.

It’s just that the average person who is trapped in the day-to-day grind of running the rat race and keeping up with the Jones’ probably hasn’t had a lot of "free time" to consider their ideas under a microscope.

They’re either too busy or too indifferent. They have other priorities.

The result is that when they share with you an idea they’re really proud of, you’ve probably already thought of it, analysed it, and weighed out the pros and cons.

The problem with this is that there’s nothing more obnoxious than when somebody shares an idea and you say “Oh yeah I already thought of that. Have you considered blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah...”

Many years ago I remember there was this guy who worked at the Pita Pit who told me the most genius idea he ever had.

Are you ready for it??

It was to create a website called www.bootycall.com.

He even made me to promise to hold it as a secret so he could make the millions, although I guess I kind of blew that one by posting it here.

Sorry!!

I offered him a litany of good reasons it was a non-practical idea, and as you can expect, he was super appreciate.

Uhhhhhhh, or not.

The issue is that you might think you’re helping the other person but they’ll almost always dislike you for it.

And with good reason.

Most likely they were NOT asking you for your advice. They were just socializing and wanted to get excited about something with you.

Or maybe, just maybe, they want to make their own mistakes?? Ever thought of that one.....SMART GUY??

Instead you’ve got to learn the art of saying “Oh cool man...That sounds awesome.”

This allows people to feel good about themselves, and even cooler, you come across as intelligent automatically because most people care more about being understood than receiving critical feedback.

Obviously there’s cases where people want real feedback, and that’s a matter of common sense.

But you already knew that.

Truth be told you REALLY CAN learn something from everybody. Even people who appear not to be "with it" entirely.

It might not be "analytical" but it can be very practical, and a lot deeper than you would ever expect.

In my opinion it's the people who realize that they can learn from every single person they meet who are the most intelligent.

GIVING ADVICE TO PEOPLE WHO ARE ALREADY HAPPY WITH WHERE THEY’RE AT:

Over the years I’d say that the dumbest, most useless thing I’ve ever done is offer advice to people who are perfectly happy with where they’re at.

The key to understand here is that the smarter you are, the more likely you are to be dissatisfied.

Why??

Because you know what your potential is.

You know full well how to make an outstanding life, exactly what it would look like, and the steps involved in building it.

But most people are happy with easier, simpler lives. They appreciate the little things.

It might sound belittling but it’s not.

Having travelled South America, Mexico, and Africa this year, I can say for sure that many people who appreciate the little things have a very DIFFERENT KIND OF INTELLIGENCE than the so called “intelligentsia”.

They’ve learned to love life passionately and gain happiness from the fun they share with people around them. Or maybe from playing soccer or a musical instrument. It doesn’t matter.

That doesn’t mean that you can’t have both an outstanding life and an appreciation for the little things, but many people simply do not need that.

(And trying to convince otherwise them is no different than an advertiser who tries to make you feel incomplete for not owning their product).

Up until about two years ago I would give advice to anyone who I thought could benefit.

Then I started restricting who I would offer advice to, and even actively changing the topic when people asked for it.

From there I picked up the extra slack by “brain-dumping” the people who I care about the most -- because I always wanted them up to speed with all the cool stuff I'd figured out.

However I’ve since realized, funny enough as recently as this week, that that is not a good way of relating to them, and in fact it’s even MORE important not to bombard people who are close to me with advice.

It might come from a super positive intention, but it’s not serving the greater good of the relationship.

Here is the rule I’ve since devised.

If you’re talking to somebody in casual conversation, the only time you offer advice is when you say “I could offer some advice if you want.”

That means it’s very specific that you are now “offering advice” and it does three things.

First it’s just a lot more polite in case the person wants to say “Ahhhh actually screw it, I really don’t care that much.”

Second, it confirms that you’re doing the other person a favour, as opposed to being an annoying dude who bombards people with your opinions.

And third, which I think is most important, is that it forces you to be aware of how often you’re giving advice. You can’t very easily say “I can offer you some advice” more than once or at most twice in a conversation, so it pretty much autocorrects the whole tendency.

In fact this rabbit hole also goes deeper than you might have realized.

When you offer too much advice to people you're close with they may stop taking care of themselves.

They’ll begrudgingly accept your role as the “dad” while simultaneously being somewhat annoyed in circumstances where you haven’t taken care of everything.

You have to let people make their own mistakes.

Chances are that YOU gained your best knowledge through various screw-ups, and you have to give people the gift of making these screw-ups for themselves.

This week I’ve made a firm resolution to offer advice to people only within two contexts.

First is if they make an appointment to ask for it, and second if I’m being paid within a professional context.

Make sense??

Good. I hope you appreciate this advice.

JUDGING PEOPLE BY YOUR OWN STANDARDS INSTEAD OF LETTING THEM LIVE THEIR LIVES:

Hands down, I’d say one of the biggest problems that smart people have with meeting women is that they harbour an arrogance that most girls are simply not on their “level”.

"She’s not smart enough for me...She’s LUCKY I would even talk to her."

This is 180 degrees different from the playful cockiness that a lot of cool, attractive guys have.

The issue here is a deep seated incongruence between your belief about a woman’s so-called “worth” and the fact that you STILL want to sleep with her.

On one level you’re trying to imagine yourself as being superior. But on another level you feel the desire to be with her.

Maybe she works at a make-up counter and likes to read “US Magazine”. Maybe she actually cares about being trendy and listens to Brittany Spears. But you still want her and it bothers you because on some level a rejection would make you feel de-valued.

The issue here is that there is a difference between an intellectual connection and an emotional/physical connection.

You want a physical connection with her, not an intellectual one. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. They are both absolutely valid.

Your desire for her is because she’s developed a side of her femininity that you find exotic and engaging. As a man, to attract a girl like that, you have to develop your masculinity on a similar level.

The “worth” of a person is not defined by their level of actualization, because that is every person’s personal preference. You might judge a girl negatively for it, but really you are just judging yourself.

And you don’t have to.

Just because you don’t judge somebody else doesn’t mean you give up your own personal standards.

It actually means that you’re smart enough to distinguish the needs of other people from your own.

FAILING TO SEPARATE WORK FROM PLAY:

And the mind goes “Whiiiiiiiirlllllll and whirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrllllll!!”

Vroom, vroom, and more vroom. It just doesn’t want to stop.

And that’s a good thing because it gets you success, while other poor saps languish in a purgatory of mediocrity.

But to have a satisfying and happy life, you have to have firm distinctions between your time for work and your time for play.

Otherwise you wind up like Howard Hughes. Who appears pretty cool in “The Aviator” but is not actually how you want to wind up.

Morning = 20 minutes meditation.

That gets your day off on the right foot.

From there you need firm resolutions that you will NOT violate as to when you’ll let your mind run off in all its crazy, albeit highly productive directions.

If you do your best thinking at night then allocate 8 hours at night to do so. Whatever. All that matters is that work is work, time off is time off.

Force yourself to stick to this.

Punish yourself by NOT writing down your best ideas that you have outside of the work period, otherwise it will never stop.

You’ll work, work, work, and then DIE having done nothing but work.

Not very cool. Or sustainable. Or attractive to girls. AT ALL.

Hope that’s useful!!

Tyler

Fueling Your Neurology For Work And Play

(The Africa articles have been difficult so I've decided instead to get back to writing with a random article. This is a personal piece and I hope you enjoy it. Stay tuned.)

In marketing there is a principle which states that...

"Most people, by the time they become adults, will lose their capacity for youthful abandonment. They will never lose the CRAVING for it but they become psychologically starved because they no longer have the ability."

This is pretty fascinating when you consider all the advertising with images of adults with big beaming smiles on their faces while using the product – but when you think about it, how many adults do YOU know who have the ability to have that much fun??

By my own personal estimation, fun is probably one of the least commonly experienced emotions among adults.

When an adult says “I’m having fun” it’s more often a vacuous jargon that means “I’m interested in what I’m doing” as opposed to the ecstatic abandonment they enjoyed when they were kids.

Of course, most folks would never admit it to themselves because fun is thought of as being the “light at the end” of the tunnel for achieving success.

You get to have fun during your leisure time, so if you want to have more fun, simply become successful so you can take time off. Right??

This is basically thought of as being a truism.

Probably because it WAS true at one point, but as you get older you don’t realize your neurology has changed.

(We’re using the word “neurology” pretty loosely in this article -– but you catch my drift).

The way it works is basically like this.

Your neurology adapts to whatever circumstances you’re most accustomed to.

So if you’re a little kid who’s used to playing around all day, you’re probably going to feel antsy and restless when you’re asked to focus on school.

And if you’re an adult who slaves furiously to meet deadlines for years on end, you’re probably going to feel trapped in your head when you’re out trying to have fun.

This has been a hot topic on my mind for the past several years.

Back when I used to go out and chase girls 7 nights a week my personality was basically a barrage of humour and jokes.

Then I sat down to write “The Blueprint” in 2004 and I found myself jittery and resentful for having to focus for hours at a time.

I remember getting up to walk around the back yard every few minutes, grudgingly buckling back down to write, and then getting up to scurry around again and again.

Later I adjusted to working an hour without distraction. Then two hours. Then maybe four or five.

Finally as I started adjusting to the extreme workload that came with RSD’s struggle in 2005 I found myself rolling out of bed, turning on the computer, and working straight through until it was time to go back to sleep.

There were periods of consecutive months between 2005 and 2007 where I worked 16 hour days. I simply adjusted and accepted it.

Around 2006 I noticed my personality had changed, both for the better and the worse.

On the positive side I found I could hold multiple concepts in my head at the same time and see how they came together without losing my train of thought. My attention span seemed to increase noticeably while my fluid problem solving skills and creativity became lightening fast relative to where they’d been before.

At the same time, I noticed everything I thought about, spoke about, or spent time on, was work.

Simple socializing like small talk and joking around became awkward. If it wasn’t about work I felt anxious like something bad was about to happen. As if I lost my momentum for even five minutes I’d go back to slacking off and spend another year struggling to get back on track.

The only exception was teaching bootcamp because I could rationalize to myself “This is for work”. Bootcamp was always the part of the week I looked forward to because I could have fun and let loose without feeling guilty about it.

(Funny enough I also came to understand why students often speak of being “exhausted” after each night of bootcamp. It’s because their neurology gets burnt out from several hours of fun in a row and they need to re-connect with their introverted comfort zones).

Anyway the pressure I was dealing with in my mid twenties was probably more than was reasonable for a person of my age and maturity at that time. So I’m proud of how I dealt with it overall.

Then as I came into 2007 I made the ambitious decision to make it the “most fun year of my life” – which I stated publically in the New Year’s Eve blog video as a way of committing myself to follow through.

Now you might think to yourself “Having fun?? Uhhh, that’s easy!!”

The difference is that when you’ve got a team who relies on you to produce results, or else they don’t eat and there’s no roof over their heads, having fun suddenly becomes a source of stress because it feels like a massive waste of time.

On top of that, and this is obviously a generalization, I’d noticed over the years that most of the folks who had a talent for being relaxed and having fun also tended to be flunkies and underachievers in their professional lives.

This was an interesting dilemma because on a certain level these were the guys who I modelled and admired.

Usually they’d spend a lot of time laughing and hanging out with friends and taking life easy, which gave them a sort of care-free vibe that was attractive and contagious.

But later as I’d get to know them, I realized they were projecting an illusion of coolness, because their lives were mediocre at best (and a total train wreck at worst).

I’ve often suspected many of these guys were burdened by a delusion that someday they’d get paid just for being cool. Like a male version of Paris Hilton or Tila Tequila, I’m not sure.

The problem was that a part of their “cool factor” was they lacked an inviolable personal standard for the quality of their own lives.

Their “neurologies” were never burdened down with stress or compulsive analysis because if things weren’t going well they’d just laugh it off and rationalize. But years of living in this zone also left them with no ability to deal with friction, setbacks, or adversity because their higher priority was maintaining the flow and their happy vibe.

In my experience this was a form of weakness because their external circumstances often weren’t in alignment with the happiness of their internal world, which forced them deeper into personal denial.

Put them into a situation where avoidance and rationalization could no longer deal with their problems, and suddenly they’d be whining like young children with no ability to cope.

Again, this is a generalization of many people who I met over the course of my life. But I also feel it’s fairly on point in terms of the commonalities I saw in many people who on the surface seemed socially super successful.

In my early twenties I remember feeling somewhat nervous and approval-seeking around these types because they had something I wished that I had myself. But as I hit my late twenties I became more indifferent, if not sympathetic, because I realized they’d taken a route that would cause problems for them down the line.

I guess that’s what you’d call “coming into your own” – which really just means you don’t buy into other people’s values above your own. Funny enough it often makes people question themselves because you seem so confident in your own way of doing things.

Anyway over the years I discovered that there’s actually TWO ways of getting that carefree vibe...

The first is just to ignore reality and make having fun the higher priority.

But the second, which in my view is the more powerful way of doing it, is to continually challenge yourself in your professional life while learning the art of separating work from pleasure.

What they don’t teach you in school is that your neurology becomes ADDICTED to whatever emotional state you’re accessing most of the time.

So when you notice that most guys who party all the time seem mentally retarded in their professional lives, it might seem so sad and pathetic that it turns you off of letting loose.

But at the same time, you have to also realize if you sacrifice fun for the purpose of professional success for too long you are essentially FRYING your ability to enjoy life – which is equally short-sighted.

Doing this will lead you to a place where having fun becomes “going through the motions”.

You become so analytical and disconnected from the REAL EXPERIENCE of true enjoyment that you don’t even know what it is anymore.

As absurd as it sounds, you wind up analyzing it the same way you would a business proposal, with an objective criteria of what fun “should be” instead the emotions you’re actually experiencing.

"I’m doing something interesting (or that costs a lot of money). Therefore the conditions for having fun are now met, which means I must be having fun."

There’s no ACTUAL lighting up of the “happy centres” in your neurology. That part of your neurology has withered away.

It’s like if you lie in bed for a year and now all the muscles in your legs have atrophied and withered away. How much of a “work out” can you really do??

Maybe you can exercise lightly for a few minutes, but then after that the tissue has been worked and you’re forced to take a break.

Only after a few months of repetition have you gradually built back enough muscle tissue to work it without burning it in more than a few minutes.

This is the vicious cycle which so many adults wind up trapped in without their conscious knowledge.

You’re having “fun” but you’re not REALLY having fun.

You’re not detoxifying yourself from all the cortisone that builds up in your system at work, so there’s no renewal taking place.

You show up for a fun activity because you think you’re “supposed to” but the truth is you’d rather be back in your work-addicted comfort zone.

It’s just that if you stopped going out altogether then you’d have to admit to yourself that the way you’ve been living is wrong.

And that’s almost impossible because you have so much invested in it personally, let alone with your family and staff who depend on you to pay the bills.

So what do most adults do??

They use ALCOHOL as a crutch because it stimulates those emotional pleasure centres for them.

(At least for an hour or two before they become belligerant and a pain in the ass).

To get past this you have to make a very deliberate effort to pump up your “happy” neurology on a regular basis, so it doesn’t lose its capacity to process those types of emotions.

That means continuing to dominate in the professional arena and producing the results that people expect from you, but at the same time, making a clear separation between work and play.

In my case I started out by going to the beach a few times a week. I hated every minute of and thought about getting back to work the entire time (which isn’t fun either but at least you get rid of that anxious feeling that nothing is getting done). But it was a start.

Then I started doing hiking and getting outside to add to that. I’d drone on about work to my poor buddy Olcay but over time I was able to recognize what I was doing and minimize it by putting myself in check.

Finally one of the biggest pieces of the puzzle was deliberately forcing myself to laugh and joke around.

I got this idea from the principle that “Changing your physiology will change your state”.

The idea was that I’d force myself to laugh in the places where “normal” people would – ie: at the points where I USED to laugh before I became a peak performer self-parody.

To do this I actually told my friends “I’m going try to joke around more and laugh more. It will probably seem insincere but I need to do this.”

This helped me to get past the internal resistance of appearing incongruent.

I’d noticed over the years that the fear of being perceived as incongruent was probably the biggest hurdle which held people back from reaching their potential with success with women. So I knew I had to get back to a space like when I was a pick-up newbie where I was pushing envelope in terms of testing out new behaviour and not caring what people thought.

This was tough around guys like Tim and Olcay who are super socially intuitive. These are guys who KNOW if I’m somewhat “faking” it, and because I know they know it, it’s even harder.

But these are also my real friends and genuinely supportive, so I didn’t let it hold me back.

The cool thing was that over about 6-10 months it became natural and internalized. I still felt my neurology being exhausted having too many hours of fun in a row, but the threshold where that would happen was a several hours more.

I’m probably at about 60% of where I know I could be (typical analyst – wooo!), but considering my work ethic is at about 200% I know I can eventually catch that up.

What I learned from all this is that work and pleasure need to be separated consciously and deliberately.

As a peak performer the temptation is to make work your entire life.

You’ll make vacuous statements like “You have to be well rounded” because you THINK you’re supposed to say things like this (or maybe that balance might make you a better performer).

But it’s as much of a rationalization as the flunky who talks about how he’s rejected the professional world because he’s above the fray of capitalist society, when in reality he couldn’t secure a decent job to save his life.

The key is to treat both fun and focus as different muscles that need to be worked and trained independently (even if you’re training them at the same time).

It’s cool to build your neurology to cut through ungodly loads of work like the mental equivalent of Jay Cutler.

More than just pride of being a true producer, there is something philosophical about being a person who can talk about their dreams and really achieve them (as opposed to telling yourself random lies).

But you ALSO have to force yourself to laugh and have fun throughout the day. Otherwise your dreams will probably turn out to be meaningless.

That’s because when you’ve lost your capacity for true abandonment, you wind up doing things just to do them. For no real reason at all.

I think Robert M. Pirsig hit the nail on the head when he said:

"Now the stream of our common consciousness seems to be obliterating its own banks, losing its central direction and purpose, flooding the lowlands, disconnecting and isolating the highlands and to no particular purpose other than the wasteful fulfillment of its own internal momentum."

And you know, once you’ve stepped into the mindsets and behaviours of a corporate “suit” it’s not going to go away over night.

You have to gradually nurse yourself back to a state of semi-normalcy. That means putting in the identical effort that you put into developing your professional skill-sets to discovering how to have fun again.

In the meantime, you don’t want to lose that ability to put in a week of 16 hour work days in the urgent situations when it’s called for. So you’ve got to maintain a balance where you don’t revert back to your old teenage-self who struggled to produce results.

Peak performance is the art of being fully engaged with “focused present energy” and then renewing your mind and spirit with total relaxation and being fully unplugged.

From my perspective I feel like I’m coming into a really good zone, because I’ve been cultivating that “carefree” side of my personality while I’m still enjoying the benefits that come from working hard.

And the cool thing is that by combining hard work and having fun synergistically I finally HAVE been able to have the most fun year of my life.

The trips to Mexico and Africa this year never could have happened if I haven’t taken it to the next level in terms of my work ethic, but at the same time, I was actually able to enjoy them because I’d also taken the effort to make having fun a personal priority.

So in my opinion you CAN have your cake and eat it too.

You do NOT have to become another victim of the professional world any more than you have to become a victim of being a burnt out party-boy.

Moderation.

The Greeks have been talking about it for thousands of years and deep down you probably knew it was true.

My hope for my own career is that as I evolve and progress people can look at me and say “That guy is a really hard worker, but he also seems like a balanced, cool guy who doesn’t take himself too seriously.”

The whole cartoon character thing is OK in your twenties because you’re LEARNING and it’s about trial-and-error.

In your thirties it’s about as uncool as holding onto existential angst... Uhh, NO.

There’s a time and a place for everything, and I think that as you get older you really need to work all this stuff out.

Anyway that’s my goal, and hopefully this article has offered you insight if you’re in a similar position.

I’ll be back later with the details from my recent experience in Africa.

Thanks for reading!!

Tyler

Big Things On The Horizon...

I've just returned from Africa and plan to have several articles up about the experience this upcoming week.

Tim's amazing program "Flawless Natural" has launched on DVD/CD and the first copies have now shipped.

It's program that's going to challenge the way you attract women and teach you to do it better and more effectively. I've been involved with the development from start to finish and I urge you to pick up a copy immediately.

You'll find it at www.flawlessnatural.com.

Lastly, the new RSD Nation is near completion in terms of it's design.

I've been working on it with my team for the past several months and I'm absolutely psyched to see it finally coming together.

This is going to change the way forums are run in the community forever. I'm surprised nobody has created something like this yet but I guess it's cool to be the first.

Keep your eyes open!!


Tyler